Parent Resources
The Transition to College
For Parents
The beginning of your child's university career can be a stressful experience, especially if this is their first time living away from home. During this important time of transition for the family, many parents put their own feelings and reactions on hold while helping their child prepare for college life. However, attending to your emotional needs will go a long way toward helping everyone feel comfortable with the challenges that often accompany a transition to college. Planning for potential stress or anxiety will help you model stress management skills for your child and ensure that you are taking care of yourself! Here are a few points to consider:
Recognize that feeling ambivalent about your child leaving home is normal. On the one hand, parents often feel fear and concern about their child beginning a new phase of life with greater responsibility and independence. On the other hand, it is also normal to look forward to the relative peace and quiet of having your older adolescent away from home and having the place to yourself, or being able to spend more time with your younger children.
Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise. No one is helped if you pretend not to feel sad, guilty, relieved, apprehensive, or a whole host of other feelings, as your child prepares to start college. A healthier approach is to talk about how you are feeling – with your family, friends, clergy, or whoever is a source of support for you.
Make “overall wellness” a goal. Especially during stressful times, it helps to get enough sleep, eat healthy meals regularly, and exercise. Spending some time recharging by doing some of your favorite activities is another step toward wellness. If you feel good, you are more likely to have the energy to help your child and be a good role model.
Remember that by attending college, your child is taking a considerable step
toward adulthood. Starting college represents the culmination of 18 years of parenting, much of it geared towards helping your child assume a productive place in the world. This is the time when your hard work will show itself in the ways your freshman begins to make independent choices. During this transition, many parents find that it helps to focus on the fact that you are providing your child with an invaluable opportunity to learn and grow into a self-sufficient person. Be proud of yourself!
Find a new creative outlet for yourself. Especially for parents whose last or only child has moved away to college, taking on a new challenge is an excellent way to manage and channel energy and emotions. Have you ever wanted to write a book? Learn to fly-fish? Make a quilt? Volunteer in your community? Assume a new project or responsibility at work? Travel? Get your own bicycle and ride all over town? Make a list of all the things you intended to do while your child was growing up but never had the time to do. Now is your chance!
For Students
Many college students enter their freshman year with high expectations. College is exciting! However, feeling stressed and even overwhelmed as you adjust to college life is also normal. This is a huge life adjustment with so many changes – new freedoms, routines, and responsibilities. And more than this, students increasingly are entering college with mental health issues that are more difficult than those reported by freshmen in past generations. While the reason for this is not yet clear, it may be because improvements in mental health treatment have enabled more students to thrive in spite of mental health concerns.
Expecting and planning for some challenges can help ease your transition to college. This is particularly important if you have struggled in the past with mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. However, anyone may find that they need a bit of extra support at any point during the college experience. Below, we have included some tips and resources for navigating the transition to college.
Know that adjustment is normal. It is normal for students to have mixed feelings about college approaching so quickly. Feeling excitement one day and anxiety (or even dread!) another day is quite normal. Even after you arrive on campus, you may need some support and guidance. Arranging regular calls, texts, or video chats with family or friends at home can help ease the transition, and know that it is also common for the frequency of contact to change over time.
Learn how to foster self-reliance. It can take time to learn how to navigate living with greater independence. Be gentle on yourself as you learn how to motivate yourself, take personal responsibility for classes, and practice quality self-care. Here are a few tips:
- Establishing a regular routine is essential to limit stress. If you did not plan your schedule during high school, now is the time to try out a written planner, Google calendar, a scheduling app, or even a written to-do list!
- The general rule of thumb is that each hour you spend in class may require 2-3 hours of study time outside class.
- If you’re struggling, it is more effective to seek help (e.g., study groups, tutoring, meeting with your instructor or teaching assistant) earlier rather than later!
- The Office of Learning Resources has many supports designed to help students reach their academic goals.
Get involved! If you find yourself struggling with homesickness, getting involved can help smooth your transition to campus life. Seek out informal opportunities (study groups, sharing meals with fellow students), participate in residence hall activities, and embrace the discomfort of getting to know an entirely new group of people. The 1850 platform at UD offers many opportunities for involvement in organized campus events (such as a Campus Ministry retreat) or joining a student group. The Center for Student Involvement is also a great resource!
Seek support on campus. The University of Dayton offers many formal and informal support networks to help students cope with stress and any difficulties adjusting to college life. Feel free to seek support from:
- Resident Assistants, Area Coordinators, and other Residential Life staff
- Student Ministers and members of Campus Ministry
- Academic advisors, faculty, tutors, and teaching assistants
- Staff at the Dean of Students Office (can help with a wide range of concerns, including basic needs)
- Office of Learning Resources (accommodations and other resources)
- Counseling Center staff
College is an exciting time full of opportunities and challenges. With the right
support, every student can have a successful college career full of growth and
learning!
Common Student Stressors
As you know, certain times of the year are more difficult than others. During these times, additional support for your child is helpful and encouraging. Please remember that this is only a guide designed to help you understand the types of pressures that may be encountered by college students. Some of these (or none of these) may apply specifically to your student! These stress periods affect each student in different ways.
August
Initial adjustment to the academic environment, homesickness, and stress of long-distance relationships, financial adjustments, and roommate conflicts.
September & October
First year students begin to realize that life at college may not be as perfect as they initially believed. Old problems seem to continue, and new ones may be added. Midterm workload pressures are followed by feelings of failure or a sense of accomplishment. Problems with study skills, concern over fitting in, and possible illnesses due to changes in weather can also occur.
November & December
Academic pressure may increase due to a range of factors: procrastination, difficulty of work, or lack of needed study skills. Economic anxiety can be caused due to decreasing funds from parents and diminishing summer savings. Financial strain can be caused by Christmas gifts and travel costs. Anxiety increases as final examinations approach and papers are due.
January & February
A second wave of homesickness can occur. Depression can increase as students experience winter weather. Students may begin to have relationship anxieties as relationships from home change. Students sometimes begin thinking about changing majors or transferring schools.
March & April
Stress over midterm exams and plans for spring break starts. Students often experience limited finances. Papers and exams grow closer, and students may start worrying about summer jobs.
May
Worry over choosing a major, disenchantment with college life, academic pressure leading to increased changes in dietary habits such as excessive coffee consumption, sleep loss, and anxiety about saying goodbye to friends and seeking summer employment. Sometimes students are upset because they have not done as well academically as they would like.
What Can I Do to Help My Child From a Distance?
Of course, you are still a parent to your almost-adult, and he or she does still need your support and guidance during the college years. Here are some ways you can express your caring and enhance your child's experience at the University of Dayton.
Stay in touch! Even though your child is experimenting with independent choices, he or she still needs to know that you're there and are available to talk over both normal events and difficult issues. Keep the texts and phone calls coming, even if your student is a little lax in returning them. It keeps them from feeling forgotten.
Allow space for your child to set the agenda for some of your conversations. If he or she needs help or support, the subject is more likely to come up if you aren't inquiring pointedly about what time he or she came in last night!
Be realistic with your college student about financial matters. Most students come to school with a fairly detailed plan about how tuition, fees, books, and room and board will be paid for, and what the family's expectations are about spending money. Being specific at the outset may help avoid misunderstandings later.
Be realistic about academic achievement and grades. Not every freshman who excelled academically in high school will be an all-A student at UD. Developing or refining the capacity to work independently and consistently and to demonstrate mastery can be more important than grades, as long as the student meets the basic academic requirements set out by the University. Again, these are choices that each individual student makes, though certainly it is appropriate to help your child set his or her own long-term goals.
If your child does experience difficulties at UD, encourage him or her to take advantage of the wealth of resources available for students. For academic issues, talking with the professor, teaching assistant or academic advisor is probably the first step. If your son or daughter could benefit from mental health counseling, the Counseling Center is located on campus and professional staff is available for them. You can help your child by reminding him or her of the many resources available on campus.
Send care packages. You might include food, small personal items, seasonal items, or even just a note of encouragement. A bit of home in the mail makes the student feel closer to home.
Encourage your student to get involved. It is a great way to meet new people and be aware that a large amount of learning takes place outside the classroom.
Allow plenty of room to grow and experiment as your student tests his/her independence.
Be patient; college life requires adjustments for your student.
Stay calm. Relax. Enjoy them for who they are. This is the time for them to practice what you have spent 18 years teaching them.
Common Questions about the Counseling Center
How can my child get an appointment?
At this time, we are seeing students through Drop-In Hours. Students can come in-person to the Counseling Center in Gosiger Hall to meet with a mental health professional, no appointment necessary. This may be a one-time session or a discussion about linking to ongoing services, depending on what your student requests or needs. Drop-In Hours vary by semester and can be found on the clinical services page.
I'm worried about my student and want them to go to the Counseling Center. How can I help them?
Explain your concerns directly and gently. It helps if you can cite specific examples about why you are concerned. Indicate that you would like them to go to the Counseling Center for Drop-In Hours. You can ask them to try it out, and that there is very little risk in talking with someone.
What if my son/daughter will not go to the Counseling Center after I ask them to do so?
It is, of course, the student's right not to go to the Counseling Center, in which case, you can respect their wishes but continue to express concern. If your son/daughter lives in a residence hall, you can speak to the Resident Assistant (RA). RAs are not bound by the same strict confidentiality rules that mental and physical health providers must follow. Even if talking to an RA is not possible or does not produce the desired result, please continue to check in with your student's emotional well-being on a regular basis. If you are concerned about your student's safety and worried that they are an immediate risk to themselves or others, you can reach out to Housing and Residence Life or to Public Safety (937-229-3141) to request a safety check.
I'm worried about my student, and I want to know what is being discussed during the counseling sessions. Can I get this information?
Once a student is 18 years or older, the student has complete control of his/her medical records. Consequently, he/she need to give written permission to allow other people access to the information. If the student will not sign a release, it is illegal for the provider to discuss the case in any way. If you would like access to your student's information, the best approach is for you to discuss your reasoning with your student so that they can decide whether to complete a release of information.
What if I just want confirmation that my student is attending appointments, but I don't want to know what is being discussed?
Legally, a release of information needs to be signed to allow us to confirm appointment attendance, even if we do not discuss appointment details.
What if I want to tell a therapist something about my student, but I don't necessarily want to learn anything about what the student has said to the therapist?
You are free to leave information with the on-call therapist whenever you would like to do so. However, the therapist cannot share any information with you, including whether appointments have been scheduled or attended, without a release of information. We can be reached during business hours (Monday - Friday, 8:30 AM - 4:30 PM) at 937-229-3141.
What does confidentiality mean for parents?
- Confidentiality is essential to the counseling relationship.
- Without your child's written consent we cannot confirm or deny that a student has come to the Counseling Center for a counseling session or disclose the name of their therapist.
- If you want to talk to your son or daughter's therapist, you should talk to your child and ask them to sign a release of information form at the Counseling Center.
- You may also contact the Counselor-on-Call to share your concerns or to obtain general information.