Blogs

By Jan Marshall

Why do mothers make the best parole officers?

They'll never let you finish a sentence!

We are the Encyclopedia Britannica of the last generation. We are the all-knowing, all-sharing Google of our times. We are the weather lady — “Take a jacket. You never know when a storm will appear, dahlink. Yes, I know it’s spring-like, but still…”

We are Siri and Alexa in real life, and we often do not understand what the hell you are asking them. 

“A tie? why do you need a tie? You are wearing a bathing suit! Oh, a Tai restaurant? What’s wrong with you? Are you on drugs??”

You think WE nag? We are simply giving you information, believing it is kind and helpful. If I tell you there is congestion on the freeway (and possibly your chest because you didn’t take a jacket), you are free not to listen and be late for your important, possibly a life-saving or even life-changing appointment. As far as your severe cold, okay, okay. No guilt — sure, I’ll make some chicken soup with my pal Cambell’s. 

For some silly reason you don’t like nagging. Do you live in a cave?

Face facts. Other famous advice givers — Aristotle, Confucius and, once again, Plato — were nags, too. We are actually philosophers. Imagine, in your own family having such a distinguished relative, your queen of nagging — er, I mean philosopher. 

Please, please, you do not have to buy me anything or send me a bunch of gift cards to Nordstrom. 

TRUTHIES: We are surrounded by nagging. Stop signs nag, “STOP!” Librarians say, “SHUSH!” Recently, the IRS said, “Pay or jail, Missy!” Mel Brooks says, "Walk this way."  

Teachers, editors, doctors and the toughest nags — the boards of directors at every meeting making occasional arbitrary rules that occasionally annoy some of us, though we truly do appreciate their time and volunteering.

You think YOU don’t nag?  So, let me ask you, “Did you ever tell your dog to sit? Do you say to others, "Have a nice day?" Really! Who are you to tell others how to live? See my point?

These are the facts. Mommies are modern-day philosophers. Grandmothers are the absolute ultimate teachers. We mothers (of which you are the beneficiaries) are the no bull prize winners in that field. 

You are sooo lucky!

— Jan Marshall 

Jan Marshall’s life’s work is devoted to humor and healing through books, columns and consulting. A humorist and television host, she is a Certified Master Hypnotherapist. In 1986 she founded the International Humor & Healing Institute. Her board members included Norman Cousins, Steve Allen, Dr. Bernie Siegel and John Cleese, plus other physicians and entertainers. She wrote the satirical survival book, Dancin’ Schmancin’ with the Scars: Finding the Humor No Matter What! As a survivor, she donates a percentage of book profits to the American Cancer Society, American Brain Tumor Association, Wounded Warriors and The Laguna Woods Village Foundation. She's also written two children's books, The Littlest Hero and The Toothbush Who Tried To Get Away.