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By Derek Ries

I love people who watch or read something and then say, “Those are five minutes of my life I will never get back.” What would they have done otherwise during that time? Cure cancer? “Oh shoot, I had figured out how to solve climate change, but those lost five minutes wrecked my plan.”

It seems like these people are also the type who spend a substantial amount of their day watching Tik Tok videos and checking for new tweets from celebrities. They must have more time on their hands then they probably care to admit, or else they are now “working” remotely, and their boss has no idea they are spending their working hours keeping tabs on what Kourtney Kardashian is doing today.

I probably should not be so harsh as I have friends who send out links to articles and videos that I end up reading and watching. I am always interested in the ones that come from the most obscure websites. I wonder how my friends find sites like www.therealtruththegovernmentdoesntwantyoutoknow.com. Then when you go to the site, you find out the government has known all along that Justin Bieber created Covid-19 as a way to distract us from realizing his foray into country music was a disaster.

People today also are much more likely to make outlandish claims and when questioned, reply with this: “Do your research and you will find out the truth.” Thanks, but it is hard to find reliable sources who will confirm gargling with rosemary and ground-up tree bark cures Athlete’s Foot.

Anyway, I should stop here. You have already lost five minutes of your life, which could have been used to watch Tik Tok videos of baby Yoda rapping. That would have been time well spent.

— Derek Ries

Derek Ries is a father of five who works hard to keep his sanity with the insanity that is raising five kids.