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By Julie Grenness

While Cara sipped coffee and waited for her 15-year-old daughter, Talissa, to emerge from her bedroom where she spent most of her days hiding and “doing stuff,” she read the latest copy of a parenting magazine. The editors made it sound so easy.

Cara was reading about mother/daughter conversations, with inspiring topics for teens to chat openly about their concerns with their mothers, when Talissa surfaced about noon, slightly rumpled. She consumed a bowl of cereal. Cara now only had to feed her daughter two meals per day, plus snacks, of course.

Talissa moaned, “Why didn’t I grow big boobs?” Cara’s maternal instincts swung into play. “You’ve got a lovely figure. Give yourself time,” she answered. “Duh,” said Talissa, sulking and heading to the TV den. Cara pondered on that mother/daughter chat.

Suddenly, a shriek of delight from Talissa. “Dare I ask?” wondered Cara. “Okay in there?” she queried.

Talissa appeared and said, “Oh my God, Josh asked me for a date on Saturday night. Can you drive me?”

Talissa was smiling for the first time since puberty. Cara consulted her parenting magazine. Should she give Talissa the chat about handling sexual harassment from teenage males? What to say in this conversation? “Duh?” said Talissa, reading over her mother’s shoulder. “I need new jeans.”

Cara’s heart sank. She was always the one sitting on the chair next to the changing room, where every female’s butt looked fat in everything. She felt sheer terror for the ensuing mother/daughter conversations under those bright lights.

Saturday night came too soon. Unfortunately, date night finished early. Talissa came home at 10 p.m., slamming the front door vigorously. Cara hovered, ready to chat. “I beat Josh at pool, so he dumped me for Bianca. Jerk. I am never going to talk to her again!” This was life-threatening teenage drama mama time.

“I agree,” Cara said, hesitantly, “but you have to realize that men get very offended when women win at pool. It is the worst sin against their male egos.” Talissa fumed. “I’m not going to let men beat me at anything,” she retorted. What would the parenting magazine advise here?

Talissa made a big bowl of ice cream, recovering from her broken heart. “I am going to be a female footballer and visit a sperm bank when I want kids.”

“Great,” muttered Cara. Talissa was on a roll now. “By the way, Mum, I am turning 16 on Monday!” From her tote bag, Talissa produced Learner plates.

“Great,” sighed Cara again, fear clutching at her motherly heart. Monday dawned. Talissa emerged again at noon and asked, “Mum, can you take me for driving lessons?” Cara eyed her dwindling bottle of Valium, mother’s little helper.

“Talissa, the aim of driving is to arrive home in one piece,” she said, as she reluctantly picked up her keys.

“Duh,” said Talissa.

After the mother/daughter conversation, Cara hoped positive prayers were really effective, as Talissa put pedal to the metal on the freeways of life.

— Julie Grenness

Julie Grenness is a poet and writer in Australia. She’s a former teacher who now tutors and mentors young people.