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By Julie Grenness

Now don’t swear! We women do not need to hear four-letter words. But swearing can be cathartic for everyone, including us chicks. Right, here is some real swearing — four-letter words. Cook, dust, wash, iron, pray, bonk!

Shock, horrors! I’m swearing. She swore! We older women have all been there where you younger women are right now. Yes, it’s time for a swear box, with hefty penalties for the degradation of such foul language. Cook, iron, dust, wash, pray, bonk! Maybe we could use the fines to save up for some new shoes, or whatever we choose.

You younger women will just have to wait until you gain the wisdom of old age. You have it all in front of you. Years ahead of cook, wash, iron, dust, pray, bonk. Ah, the filth of such thoughts.

Never mind, when you are old and grey, you can put it all down to experience. It is stage in your life. Now I am older, I have a cleaner, and cut corners by heating up processed meals or purchasing a BBQ chicken at the supermarket with some nice salads. Sometimes, I do an ‘”unwash.” Those in the household who dump washing on me get to wear their cleanest dirty shirt, singlet and socks the next day. Being a male, he does not even notice.

Once upon a lifetime, on a scorching hot summer’s afternoon, my late mother was doing the ‘iron’ on a mountain of school frocks and shirts. My paternal grandfather sat down with a cup of tea, smiled cheerily and declared, “A woman’s work is never done!” I learned a new four-letter word that day, it started with ‘sh’ and rhymed with blip. Yes, blip happens; iron is a four-letter swear word.

Of course, unless we women really know how to train a male, those disgusting four-letter words will still be heard — cook, iron, dust, wash, pray, bonk. It is up to every younger woman to empower herself in the domestic environment.

I do admire empowered women with tame men, they are quite scary. Such chicks can terrify males into being accountable in daily household tasks. Maybe some women have missed that “scary” gene. Empowered women do possess that real magic of a “woman’s touch.”

I can envy such women, with their males participating in such swearing as cook, iron, dust, wash. Four-letter words! Filth! Why have I never made a swear box for penalizing such misogyny? Why haven’t you? Start young, that is my advice. Little sisters, do not do what your big sisters have done.

Please, stop swearing at women. Send for the mops right away. Scary, don’t swear!

— Julie Grenness

Julie Grenness is a poet and writer in Australia. She’s a former teacher who now tutors and mentors young people.