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By Derek Ries

Well, it has been quite the year.

Pretty much every household has been impacted by COVID-19, and the Ries family has been no exception. Amy has taken the guidance to limit travel so seriously she hasn’t gone to the second floor of our house all year. And the mask mandate has been no problem for us. It has been the requirement every time we went into Carson’s room for several years now. We’re pretty sure COVID-19 started in there.

The big news for Kendall this past year was she got married! To say she had a whirlwind romance is quite the understatement. Rabbits have had longer courtships. Kendall and Kyle are well matched despite the fact he is 11 inches taller than her. Which, based on Kendall’s height, makes him 5 feet tall. They both attend BYU and pay their own way. God loves me.

Carson is now 17 and hasn’t liked remote learning much. Taking Spanish online was no bueno for him. It was so bad, in fact, he didn’t learn until after his final that no bueno didn’t mean upside down lawnmower like he thought. We bought a mini fridge for his room this year so we now only see him on holidays.

Landon turned 14 this year and used his time in quarantine to follow the election and learn about the electoral college and polling (seriously). Learning about polling was a shock to Landon, though, as he found that most pollsters use Ouija Boards and magic 8 balls to come up with their forecasts. He is still addicted to Fortnite but plans on overcoming that addiction in 2021 by becoming addicted to Call of Duty.

Presley is 13 and has grown quite a bit the last year and is now taller than me. Which, based on her height, makes me 5 feet tall (see a pattern here?). She gets quite a few “wow, you are tall” comments from people. She had been unsure how to respond to people when they say that until I told her to guess their weight and then ask how close you were. I know how much I appreciate people publicly asking about my weight (I should mention here Amy tells Presley to do the exact opposite of what I recommend in all situations).

LanLan went though some changes this past year including changing her name to Macy in January. She tried to change it again in June, but we are only allowing one name change per year. Her vocabulary continues to advance as she now tells us “hell, no” instead of just “no.” Her manners still need some work, though, as instead of asking us to please prepare her something to eat, she hands us something and says, “Go make it.” Sigh.

Amy has had a lot of time for introspection this year and has concluded her unconditional love for her husband and children is actually conditional on them being at work and school for a majority of the day. When I mentioned this is what it will be like when I am retired and we are together all day, every day, I received a look that indicated I will be working until my casket is being lowered into the ground.

I was fortunate to be able to work from home this year, and I took advantage of the opportunity by doing a little day trading. After six months of buying high and selling low, Amy informed me that the next trade initiated in our household would be her trading me in for a new husband. If I am still working from home next year, I am going to try my hand at something a little less risky, say online poker.

Molly is now eating $90-a-bag specialty dog food, which in California translates into buying a 2-liter bottle of organic Dr. Pepper at Whole Foods. If it’s on sale.

I said at the end of last year’s letter that 2020 was going to be an amazing year, so I obviously suck at making predictions. But hey, I hear there are polling jobs available right now so who knows what 2021 will bring!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Ries family!

— Derek Ries

Derek Ries is a father of five who works hard to keep his sanity with the insanity that is raising five kids.