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By Dean Norman

Alan was a pleasant young man who was not interested in politics. Rosie, Lou and I told him it was important for him to vote. The future of the free world was at stake.

We tried in subtle ways to persuade him one way or the other. Rosie was going to vote for Nixon. Lou and I were going to vote for Kennedy. Alan kept saying he just couldn't decide, and maybe he wouldn't vote. We were able to persuade him to vote, but could not get him to say which way he was inclined to vote. He remained undecided.

When he came to the office on election day we were eager to find out which way he had voted. “Well, I got into the booth, and I still couldn't decide. I closed my eyes for a moment, and when I opened them...my finger was resting on the lever that said Nixon. So I pressed it. I don't know if I did the right thing or not, but I'm glad it's over.”        

Rosie was delighted. Lou and I moaned.

Years later President Nixon was in trouble, and Alan said “I never could stand that man!”

“You voted for him,” I reminded Alan.

“No, I didn't. My wife was a big Republican. So to keep peace in the family I told everyone I voted for Nixon. I voted for Kennedy.” Alan was no longer married to that wife, so he didn't mind telling us how he really voted. His undecided pose had been faked.

So that is the Alan factor in election polling. How many people are being intimidated by family, friends or bosses? They will say who they are going to vote for. Or who they did vote for. But who did they really...?

Well, I am glad we have a secret ballot. No one will ever know how you really vote. Lying about it to keep peace in the family, or to keep your job, is no sin. So the Alan factor, which probably never can be accurately measured, is important to keep our democracy. That and counting the votes accurately.

There is one thing that makes a mail-in ballot imperfect. Your intimidating significant other may insist on seeing how you mark your ballot. If that happens, grab the kids, the pets and the credit cards, and get out of town. You can't have a happy marriage if you can't have secrets.

— Dean Norman

Dean Norman is a cartoonist and humor writer, whose work has appeared in greeting cards,The New Yorker, MAD Magazine, The Cleveland Plain Dealer Sunday Magazine and The Kansas City Star. He's also written comedy for cartoon shows and written and illustrated children's books. He illustrated a cartoon book for Cleveland Metroparks, Cleveland Metroparks Adventures.