Center for Catholic Education at UD

By Dottie Gutman

The St. Remy Initiative is a professional learning community in which principals and teachers can grow in their own spirituality and leadership for the good of Catholic schools. Throughout the year, participants take part in sessions tied to the four pillars: spiritual, professional, personal, and leadership. This blog is a reflection by Dottie Gutman on her experience of the St. Remy pilgrimage in July of 2016. Dottie is a 7^th/8^th grade science teacher at Saint Peter School in Huber Heights.

"God knows us from within ourselves, not as objects, not as strangers, not as intimates, but as our own selves.  His knowledge of us is the pure light of which our own self-knowledge is only a dim reflection.  He knows us in Himself, not merely as images of something outside Him, but as “selves” in which His own self is expressed.  He finds Himself more perfectly in us than we find ourselves."

- Thomas Merton, “No Man is an Island”

The St. Remy group of thirty plus of its members were on the 2016 Pilgrimage.  I had a meaningful experience during the previous year’s pilgrimage and felt deeply blessed to have the opportunity to attend a second pilgrimage.  We were gathered in a small building at the Cliff View Retreat Center in Kentucky.  The evening activities on this first night included a movie and praying the Stations of the Cross. 

The room was chilly to compensate for the summer heat. I was wrapped up in my Father’s tattered old blue sweater which was way too big for me. I had decided to include my Dad on the pilgrimage by bringing his sweater. Dad had passed away last year.   

The room was darkened and everyone made themselves comfortable to watch The Way. I had never heard of this movie and had no idea of what it was about. I was thrilled to learn it featured a special pilgrimage called “Walking the Camino,” a topic that was introduced during a St. Remy meeting several months ago. Fr. Michael Fish was the guest speaker at this meeting and took us along on his personal journey of awakening on the Camino. His final words still resonate in my mind, “change your concept of God.”

I enjoyed every moment of the film wrapped up in my Dad’s old sweater. I related to the main character who was also honoring a loved one, his son. I also understood why we had received a small rock at the beginning of Fr. Fish’s talk. It was a symbol to take on the journey and to toss at its completion. After the movie, the group quietly reflected as they decorated candles to light the way of the next part of the pilgrimage, praying Mary’s Way of the Stations of the Cross.

As the conclusion of the prayer, each member received a sea shell. A sea shell is often carried on the Camino as a symbol of blessing for a safe journey. I thought this was such a great way to end the night and prepare us for the next day of the pilgrimage. 

The second day included a stop at the Abbey of Gethsemane. This was a place I had heard about many times and had wanted to visit.  It was my fifty-fifth birthday, and I couldn’t have had a better present! The Abbey had been the spiritual home of Thomas Merton for several years.  I had recently discovered the writings of Thomas Merton during the time of my Father’s illness. These writings gently pointed me to a deeper appreciation of contemplation, peace and joy.

At the Abbey, I made my way to Merton’s grave. It was quiet and I was alone. Another St Remy pilgrim had given me directions.  I was told to look for the marker that had a cloth tied around it. As I stood by Merton’s humble marker appreciating the insights his writings had given me, I noticed a few small sea shells scattered around the base.  It dawned on me that I had brought my little sea shell from last night. It took me a minute or two to decide to part with the shell and place it with the other shells. Learning to let go is a lesson I must continually address in my own life. But when I walked away from the grave to explore other places at the Abbey, I felt joyful for having left the small token.

That evening at the retreat center, I went for a walk. I knew the rest of the group was meeting for community activities but the sunlight and chance to contemplate were calling m.  As I walked in the woods, I received a “Happy Birthday” text from my niece who was taking care of all my pets while I was gone. She sent me a picture of a present my little seven year old neighbor had left on my porch. The picture was of a large pile of shells. At first, I didn’t think too much about it.  My little neighbor loves science, so it didn’t surprise me that she wanted to share her shells from a recent visit to a river. But as I walked, I reflected on my visit to the Abbey and the small token I had left at the grave site. Then I felt this great joy that I had received the same token back but in greater abundance! I laughed aloud!

Life is a joyful journey that has no opposite and if one pays careful attention, the blessings are everywhere.  

It has been three years since I wrote about my experience on the 2016 St. Remy Pilgrimage. In June of this year, I had the opportunity to go on a pilgrimage to Israel through the School of Faith and funded by my parish, St. Peter Church. This pilgrimage was one of the most beautiful experiences of a lifetime. To walk places where our Lord, Jesus Christ was born, lived, loved, healed the sick, died and rose from the dead is beyond description. To contemplate the life of Our Mother Mary and see the hills she traveled to visit her cousin Elizabeth was an amazing gift. At the end of this beautiful pilgrimage, we stopped at the Mediterranean Sea.  I recall being the first to jump off the bus. I ran down to the dazzling shoreline.  I felt a fire in my heart as I stood barefoot in the water laughing as I noticed all the seashells!

Life doesn’t seem like a journey anymore.  It just is and always will be God!   AMEN!