One of life’s great satisfactions is watching your kids become independent adults who no longer consider you their personal takeout-coffee financier.
Although my three grown-ish daughters aren't totally independent yet, especially when it comes to my Amazon Prime account, these hip, single ladies probably don't place hanging out with their pre-elderly parents at the top of their fun-things-to-do list. So, my wife and I came up with a creative way to tempt them to spend time with us. We've discovered that if we buy exorbitantly priced tickets to concerts featuring musical artists we've never heard of, they will gladly accompany us — and even let us buy them dinner.
This past summer, we drove all three girls to the Dallas metroplex to see Noah Kahan in concert at Globe Life Field, home of the fabulously mediocre Texas Rangers. In case you didn't know, Noah Kahan is a folk-pop singer-songwriter who calls his fans "bugs" and looks like the model for those mini-Jesus figurines.
If you haven't attended a concert with Gen Zers lately, the first stop, and one sure to traumatize your wallet, is the merch stand. Yes, this is where they mark up a $10 T-shirt to roughly the same price as a new set of tires.
Of course, we had to arrive early for the best selection of overpriced merch. The first merch stand we saw was outside . . . in a parking lot . . . in Texas . . . in the middle of the day . . . in late July, and the line stretched back to Shreveport, Louisiana. In other words, we basically stood in molten lava for two hours to buy patches, caps, posters and other items I'll be paying for until I get measured for my coffin. To add to the fun, our youngest and quietest daughter got a touch of heat exhaustion while we were broiling in line. Either that, or she became overwhelmed by my generosity. I even bought myself a hoodie and a T-shirt, cause I'm cool like that.
Another crucial aspect of concert-going for young people is dressing in an appropriate concert "fit." Mind you, this cannot include the just-purchased merch, which can only be worn AFTER the concert. My daughters' fits naturally required new hippie-style ensembles accessorized with "bug" antennae and wings. My lovely wife went simple and classy with white jeans and a ladybug T-shirt. Since I look like an old beetle anyway, I went for a ladybug vibe with a red button-up shirt over a black T-shirt. Instead of blending in with this trendy crowd, I looked like a geriatric hipster who got lost on his way to the bingo parlor.
Because the concert was sold out, I practically had to compete in the Hunger Games to get floor seat tickets, which meant standing for the entire concert or staring at the backsides of the people in front of me for two hours. At least they were thoroughly inebriated, so I had the added entertainment of guessing who would throw up first.
Thankfully, Noah Kahan put on a terrific show, we had a great time together, and I still enjoy irritating my daughters by singing the wrong lyrics to his songs.
Most recently, we took our youngest and quietest daughter to a concert in Austin with an indie-rock artist called “beabadoobee.” And even though I was the cringey "old man out" at the concert, I’m still having fun trying to pronounce her name and singing the wrong lyrics.
— Jase Graves
Jason (Jase) Graves is a national award-winning humor columnist, a married father of three daughters, a lifelong resident of Longview, Texas, and a Texas A&M Aggie. He writes about home and family issues from a humorous perspective for the Cagle Cartoons syndicate and his blog. Other than writing, his primary hobby is sleeping as late as possible. His winning Nickie’s Prize for Humor Writing essay, “The Sisterhood of the Giggling Rants,” is included in Sisters! Bonded by Love and Laughter, published by the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop. His piece, “Victoria’s Worst-Kept Secret,” is included in Chicken Soup for the Soul: My Crazy Family.