(This is in response to having spent the past two weeks searching for a new swimsuit for my husband's and my 30th Anniversary trip to Hawaii. Finding a new suit to replace my waaay-pre-pandemic model should not be as hard as swimming the English Channel, starting from Cape Cod. My takeaway: Swimsuits are not supposed to double as circus tents.)
The time has come,” the retailer said,
“To stock up many things:
Of back to school, and Halloween stuff
That make the registers ring!
And woe to those who’ve waited too long
To buy their summer things.”
But wait a bit,” the woman cried,
“Before you display all that;
I fear I still need summer clothes,
Some sunscreen and a hat!”
“Well hurry!” growled the retailer.
“My sales are getting flat!”
“A swimming suit,” the woman said,
“Is what I chiefly need...
Something fitting for the beach
Would be very good indeed.
Now that the weather’s warmed up, dear,
It’s urgent that I succeed.”
“You’ll find one here!” the retailer cried,
“We still have quite a few!”
He led her toward his empty racks,
Picked over, through and through.
“The selection is fine,” the retailer misled.
“Are you seeking one suit or two?”
“It was so hard for me to come!
Swimsuits make me lose my mind!”
The woman began mumbling to herself,
“Now I’m in quite a bind!
I need a suit, my old one’s worn,
To wear these, I’d need to be blind!”
“It seems a shame,” the retailer said,
“To play you such a trick,
You should have come before June 1st,
Our swimwear sells so quick!”
The woman she said nothing but
Considered giving a well-placed kick.
“I weep for you,” the retailer said:
“I deeply sympathize.”
But to himself he chortled,
He’d sold almost all suits in her size!
To be this low on summer stock
Was a most marvelous surprise!
“O madam,” said the retailer,
“I’ve had such pleasant fun!
Will you be shopping here again?’
But answer came there none —
And this was scarcely odd, because
She’d turned on her heels and run.
Inspired by "The Walrus and the Carpenter."
— Carol White Llewellyn
Carol White Llewellyn is a marketing and media consultant, writer and media producer who recently self-published the book Laughing with the gods and will publish The Caregiver's Companion in late June. She's also currently producing a documentary about Erma Bombeck, her legacy, and the power of humor, and is thankful to the many 2026 Workshop attendees who volunteered to be interviewed.