While looking out my door one day,
much to my surprise,
a great big bug with hairy legs,
was showing off his size.
He flew around, and around, and around,
He wanted me to chase.
That hairy bug was challenging me
To give a speedy race.
Buzz buzz, buzz buzz, that bug went bzz, bzz, bzz.
I jumped into my hotrod car
and backed out of my place,
that mega bug zipped around again
and began his speedy chase.
My foot to the petal, I zoomed out fast,
Thought he couldn’t keep up the pace
but in seconds that mega bug flew past,
and snickered in my face.
Buzz buzz, buzz buzz, that bug went bzz, bzz, bzz
I careened around to the freeway,
My foot on the floor, I’d give that bug a race.
But that hairy bug just gave a shrug
and kept up the pace.
Then it zoomed faster and rocketed up and away.
And I heard him buzzing goodbye,
Man! that was fun, but we’ve just begun,
I’ll see you ‘bye and bye.
Buzz buzz, buzz buzz, that bug went bzz, bzz, bzz
A siren behind said “pull over” now.
So, I did, feeling disgrace.
The officer said I was clocked at a hundred!
“What the heck is the race?”
I tried to explain about the mega bug,
but his sneer was clearly disbelief.
I took the ticket and drove back home,
Yet with a sense of relief.
Buzz buzz, buzz buzz, that bug went bzz, bzz, bzz
Well, unknown to that officer,
the bug flew in his car,
and settled down and did not move,
until they were quite far.
But later on, the bug woke up humming,
and felt his buzzing come alive
when the officer had just pulled over
a sports car about one half his size.
Buzz buzz, buzz buzz, that bug went bzz, bzz, bzz.
The officer began to write a ticket
but suddenly turned to see
the mega bug jump out of his squad car
and landed upon his knee.
He tried to shake it off dancing around,
but that mega bug hung on tight,
The guy in the sports car got out to see,
and laughed at the funny sight.
Buzz buzz, buzz buzz, that bug went bzz, bzz, bzz.
“Here, let me help you remove that bug,
I’m an en-to-mol-o-gist.
I capture bugs all the time,
but I’ll hit that bug with my fist.”
“Stop, don’t hit it. I’ll handle this,
I’ll shoot it with my gun.”
That scared the guy off backing up
and he began to run.
Buzz buzz, buzz buzz, that bug went bzz, bzz, bzz.
He ducked behind the officer’s car,
too afraid to come around.
The officer tripped with pistol held
And splatted on the ground.
The mega bug flew up and away
just as a state trooper pulled alongside.
He listened to both stories and gave a shrug,
Not knowing which one had lied.
Buzz buzz, buzz buzz, that bug went bzz, bzz, bzz.
The mega bug landed up in a tree
and watched them argue below.
Then flew back down onto the trooper’s foot
on his boot’s big black toe.
The trooper shook his foot really hard
to get that darn bug off, but the bug crawled up
and into his pants and the trooper began to dance.
Buzz buzz, buzz buzz, that bug went bzz, bzz, bzz.
Someone called 9 1 1
and soon a crowd came gawking by.
A firetruck came and hosed them down,
But the bug crawled out and flew high.
“Arrest that bug,” the entomologist said,
taking his insect net from his car.
“Arrest for what?” the trooper asked.
“Illegal bugging and racing a car.”
Buzz buzz, buzz buzz, that bug went bzz, bzz, bzz.
A news reporter from a magazine,
Stood on top of his van,
caught them all arguing, soaking wet,
each one waving his hand.
All was sent to the six o’clock news,
but withheld all of their names.
That mega bug became a mega hero
for racers and even kid’s games.
Buzz buzz, buzz buzz, that bug went bzz, bzz, bzz.
— Linda W. Curtis
Linda W. Curtis is a botanist who has written extensively about Carex sedge plants in books and scientific articles. A second edition of her debut fictional book, Bench Therapy, which includes "48 laugh-out-loud or at least chuckle-out-loud stories, will be published soon.