Blogs

By Kristin Owens

Taking a cruise means an extra special everything. Someone else is driving and has change for tolls. But to get the most out of your voyage, it’s best to know the emotional realities in store. Fabulous adventures have downsides too, which glossy brochures forget to mention. Here are the five stages of cruising to help manage your expectations. With the right preparation, a cruise can turn into an anticipated annual event.

Stage 1: Excitement

Luggage has been packed for weeks; each outfit perfectly accessorized including fancy formal attire. You board the ship and gasp — so beautiful! It’s total luxury instead of your humdrum daily routine. A cabin steward makes your bed. The pool bar makes fantastic drinks AND brings them to you. You meet the members at your assigned dining table — such NICE people — you have so much in common. Waiters bring scrumptious food you don’t need to shop for or prepare. The first few days are spent bouncing from one activity to another. Lectures. Dance lessons. Shows. Trivia games. You had planned on sticking your watch in a drawer — you’re on vacation — but the daily program requires otherwise. You can’t fall asleep at night, because you wonder what will I do tomorrow? The tyranny of choice makes your head spin.

Stage 2: Complacency

Halfway into your voyage, you realize it’s too much. Of everything. Too much food. Too much booze. Just too much. A schedule presents itself: eat, nap, eat, sleep, with a healthy dose of entertainment sprinkled throughout. Pants get a little snug. You’re more tired than when you started your vacation. Plus, a little gambling never hurt anyone. And those small pastries are practically calorie-free. However, since you recognize it will all come to a crashing halt soon, there’s no other option but to continue. You paid for it, right? You’re committed to getting your money’s worth. Even if it kills you.

Stage 3: Boredom

Toward the end of the itinerary, you’ve begun to check off days — a countdown til home. Recognition of other passengers turns into smirks, knowing there’s a large likelihood you’ll never speak to these people again. Let’s face it, you have nothing in common except you booked the same ship with the same itinerary at the same time. That’s it. Pure chance. Nothing more. And if you hear that story about their grandkids one more time. Plus, the entertainment is getting a little stale. As is the bread basket at dinner. The gigantic arrangements of flowers begin to wilt. The bananas at breakfast are turning bruised and brown. You’re thinking ahead to impending dry-cleaning bills and will they be able to get that red wine stain out of your husband’s white dinner jacket.

Stage 4: Reflection

But then...

The day before disembarking, passengers become nostalgic. Everyone shows up at their assigned dining table and reminisces about the fabulous voyage. “Remember the weather in Cancun?” “The crab legs?” “The Jamaican beer on the beach?” And you realize, no matter how long you’ve been cooped up on the same ship, you’ve shared an experience... whether seven-foot waves in the Atlantic or the Baked Alaska parade. Passengers exchange email addresses and promise to send those cute photos of you dancing at the Cinco de Mayo party. You over-tip the cabin staff because they’ve willingly picked up after you for the past few weeks. And soon you’ll have to do it. Again.

Stage 5: Forgetfulness

Once home with a selection of closets and ample drawer space, life follows its routine pattern. You go grocery shopping. Buy batteries that don’t cost $10. Forget to apply makeup. Wear sweatpants. But sooner or later, you find the vacation photos. And the Mexican sombrero. Wasn’t that fun? It really was the time of your life. You ask your spouse over leftover meatloaf with peas, “Honey? What’s our schedule look like next year?” His eyes glance away from his phone. “I think we should book another cruise.”

—Kristin Owens

Kristin Owens is an award-winning educator and writer living in sticky southwest Florida. She is a contributor to magazines such as 5280, Writer’s Digest, and Wine Enthusiast. She holds certifications with the Court of Master Sommeliers and Cicerone and travels the world writing about wonderful wines, beautiful beers, and surprising spirits. Herdebut novel, Elizabeth Sails, launches in 2024 with Rising Action Publishing Co. You can usually find her on a cruise ship.