As we celebrate this All Souls’ Day, the Church invites us to remember those we love who have died. We are invited to remember the lives they lived, the love they shared and its impact on our lives, and the spaces they left behind when they died. It is important to keep in mind that this remembrance can be both meaningful and also difficult. It can be painful to sit with these feelings of grief and memories of these individuals because we miss them and all they meant to us during their lives on earth.
In his book The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief, psychotherapist Francis Weller explains, “Grief and love are sisters, woven together from the beginning. Their kinship reminds us that there is no love that does not contain loss and no loss that is not a reminder of the love we carry for what we once held close.” This explanation resonates with me personally and serves as a reminder that grief is a reflection of great love.
This is at the heart of our Catholic belief in the Communion of Saints that we celebrate on this All Souls’ Day. When we hear the words "Communion of Saints," we might think first of the saints whose statues we see in our churches—the people whose lives we celebrate on feast days. But the Communion of Saints is much bigger than that. It is the communion, the spiritual connection, of the entire Body of Christ: those of us living here on earth, those who have gone before us, and those who have entered into the fullness of God's presence. Death changes our relationship with someone, but it does not erase it.
Weller’s explanation makes me think of my friend and colleague, Sue Terbay, who died of cancer in 2018 and who I remember with gratitude on this All Souls’ Day. I met Sue when she worked as an Administrative Assistant for the Center for Social Concern in the Campus Ministry department at the University of Dayton for many years. Sue was especially passionate about grief support and hospice ministry. Back in 2014 during graduate school, I was taking a course on pastoral approaches to grief, and we were assigned to interview a grief professional. I chose to interview Sue. Inspired by her own personal experience with loss, Sue served as a Clinical Secretary for Hospice of Dayton. She worked with the Bereavement Department and led grief groups for children living with loss. She shared many stories with me about how much it meant to her to lead these grief groups and how she valued the opportunity to bring communion to those living in hospice. That assignment and Sue’s presence in my life inspired me to listen to the inner tug inside of my heart to one day do grief work in some way, shape or form. It led me to take on the role of facilitator for Living with Loss, the student grief group on campus at UD, and it ultimately inspired me to return to graduate school a second time to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling and become a Licensed Professional Counselor. Had I not met Sue, I do not believe I would have pursued grief work in these ways.
During this season of remembrance, I invite you to name those that you are calling to mind and heart. I encourage you to remain open to the belief that even after death, they can remain present in your life through the Communion of Saints and inspire you to live in new and meaningful ways.