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By January Gordon Ornellas

Dear Wordle,

My friend introduced me to you yesterday. It was love at first word. I’m hoping you feel the same way.

Dear Wordle,

It’s been a week and you’re all I think of. Before I even open my eyes in the morning, I whisper your name, “Wordle.” 

What am I doing? 

You’ve made it clear that this is an open relationship.

I’m such a fool.

Dear Wordle,

Everyone had trouble with “CYNIC,” but not me. I love that we both share an affinity for consonant clusters. Isn’t that what a healthy relationship is based on?

Dear Wordle,

“TACIT?”

I think we’re about to have our first fight.

Dear Wordle,

Yesterday, I guessed “AROMA” on the second round and you told me I was “Magnificent!” I was on Cloud Nine until my neighbor, Connie, said you told her she was “Magnificent.”

How many others did you say that to?

Never mind, I don’t want to know.

Dear Wordle,

When you say, “Great,” you and I both know that five rounds are NOT great. I can sense the rolling of the eyes, the sarcastic tone. I thought our relationship was built on honesty. I guess I was wrong.

Dear Wordle,

I told my therapist about you and how I was afraid I might be in a codependent relationship.

My therapist corrected me. “Dependent. You’re in a dependent relationship.”

Dear Wordle,

Connie got “THEIR” on the first try and she’s telling everyone that you said she’s a “Genius.” She thinks she’s better than me. 

Thanks a lot, Wordle.

Dear Wordle,

I dreamed about you last night. In the dream, the adjective “Splendid” had been changed to “Mediocre,” and “Great” was now “Blunder.” I think the dream signifies that we need more transparency. Also, I may be obsessed with you.

PS: Do you dream about me?

Dear Wordle,

“SHAWL?!” You just did “SHALL” 3 days ago. 

It feels as if I’m the only one working in this relationship.

Dear Wordle,

As you know, Connie uses the same two starter words every day, while I’m always coming up with new words to keep our relationship F-R-E-S-H! But she’s doing better than I am! Why are you rewarding laziness? I thought we shared the same values.

Dear Wordle,

I guessed “Moray” instead of “Foray.” It’s like you want to hurt me.

Dear Wordle,

Tomorrow is our two-month anniversary. It’s been a long time since I was “Magnificent,” and I’ve never been “Genius,” so maybe you can T-H-I-N-K about a special word for me tomorrow. 

Dear Wordle,

Oh, the SHAME! 

I can’t believe that’s what you chose for our anniversary word. It’s clear you’re obviously ashamed of me. Or you want to shame me. Or our relationship is filled with shame. 

As I kept plugging in words (Shade, Shake, Shape) like some simpleton, I thought to myself, surely you wouldn’t WordleShame me. 

But apparently our 59 days together meant nothing.

I’m moving on, Wordle.

I deserve more.

Dear Quordle…

— January Gordon Ornellas

January Gordon Ornellas is a comedy writer whose stories include everything from colonoscopies to triathlons (equally torturous). Her article, “Rookie’s Triathlon Lessons,” appeared in the LA Times (June 2019). Two of her other stories, “Gobble, Gobble” and “Almost Taken,” were recently published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Laughter is the Best Medicine (April 2020), and another four can be found in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Too Funny! (April 2022). She won honorable mention in the global humor category in the 2022 Erma Bombeck Writing Competition and is currently working on a book, Confessions of a Crazy Softball Mom. January also enjoys writing for her blog (midlifebloomer.com), traveling and spending time with her husband and two adult daughters.