Blogs

By Derek Ries

Greetings Family and Friends!

Wow, what an interesting year. Who knew at the start that by the end the most valuable company in the world would be the one that makes the signs “Now Hiring” and “Item Not Available.” Our year started by moving across town to a bigger house with an office. This was necessary since my employer decided I needed to permanently spend my days in a small room isolated from my peers. We did the move ourselves, which started off poorly when we found out all U-Haul trucks were in Texas. Amy still does not like me being home all day. You would think she would appreciate being told when the stairs need to be vacuumed. Yeesh, I am just trying to be helpful. Not even a thank you.

Kendall and Kyle celebrated their one-year anniversary in October and continue to attend BYU. In July they decided they wanted to hear the pitter patter of little feet, so they adopted a 10-year-old cat named Betty. You can follow Betty’s hijinks on Instagram at @oursocietyhascompletelylostitsmind.

Carson is a senior this year and plans on going on a mission next summer. This is good because he has run out of patience living at home. He is horrified when I use teen slang, which is strange because I think my vocabulary is lit and my conversation skills dope. When he does get upset, I tell him: “Bruh, chill.” He always responds favorably to that.

Landon is a newly minted freshman and is glad to be back in the classroom. His year included getting the gaming computer he always wanted. The thing is huge and uses more electricity than a casino and puts off enough heat that most climate change can be attributed to it. He eats ice cream and M&M’s for breakfast. (Yes, Amy and I have given up. We hide in the garage when the kids are at home.)

Presley is also a freshman and is doing well in school. She has adjusted nicely to the move and spends most of her free time asking me when I am going to increase her clothing budget. We have already spent so much money this year even Congress thinks we are being irresponsible. Next year she would like to play volleyball, which makes sense since she continues to be tall.

Our little girl Macy is growing up fast and is now in the 5th grade. She continues to make great progress. Her response of the year was “I’m too busy” when we asked her to do something. Which is odd because we don’t consider flushing the toilet a time-intensive event. When she asks us to do something, she ends the request with “quickly.” She made a friend this year and is happy all the time. We love her so much.

Amy is happy in her new home but would still like to make it to Texas someday. I think it’s a great idea since I hear Texans welcome California escapees with open arms. Or maybe they greet them with small firearms. One of the two. I get easily confused.

I am grateful I have a job, but it can be challenging working from home. I have spent a fortune buying sweatpants two sizes larger than normal. The upside is my boss has no idea I am spending my afternoons watching reruns of “The Real Househusbands of El Paso.”

As always, we look forward to next year. We plan on buying a new car with a full tank of gas since that will be cheaper than filling the tank on our existing car. And with it being an election year people will be nice to each other and I am going to stop here and go get the bottle of liquor I hide in the backyard and drink it while I vacuum the stairs. I may not be the smartest guy, but I’m not dumb. 😊

All the best to you and your family in 2022!

—Derek Ries

Derek Ries is a father of five who works hard to keep his sanity with the insanity that is raising five kids.