Blogs

By Julie Grenness

A Christmas card arrived today, in the usual way. Lovely, the three wise men, kings of the Orient, seated in traditional robes on three camels. After their gig in Bethlehem, following the Nativity, the three wise men wandered back home, some time later.

At home, they had three wise women, their queens, waiting for them, slightly miffed. The eldest sister, a wise queen, stood up from her weaving and had a word to say.

“Well, welcome back! About time, and where do you think you have been?” We’ve been hearing stories about you three wise kings. What do you mean, wise? You had to get drunk in the pub in Nazareth, and got laughed out of the best little whorehouse by the Jordan River! No wonder the ho’s are still giggling!

"Really, we wise queens cannot trust you for one camel’s spit. What do you mean, you three jokers got lost in Bethlehem? Wise???? You three wise kings missed the most significant birth in recorded religious history!

“Wise, huh! What do you mean, you lost the matinee jackets we sent for the new baby? Oh, that was wise. Why didn’t you send us, the three wise queens? We know where everything is, ask us. We would not have gotten ‘lost’ Bethlehem! Why did you take such useless gifts? What did you do with the bunny rug I made?

“You were supposed to be there. We wise queens would have birthed the baby and tied the umbilical cord, because we are capable and wise! Where exactly have you been? What do you mean, you lost the casseroles and soups we cooked? Wise, huh! And you gave the Virgin Mary three camels to look after, as she did not have enough pets to feed! Wise queens would have swept the stable, at least.

“Wise queens have chick power. You three MEN do not! You are really wise, aren’t you? You three kings will get all the credit, as we wise queens stayed home. What’s so wise about you? You woke up a brand-new sleeping baby in the middle of the night, just to check it was boy. Really, wise kings of the Orient? Did you deliver the afterbirth? No, wise men. Did you create everlasting peace on Earth, like the three wise queens would have? No, no, no.

“What do you mean, leave those dishes, you’ll do them? How many times have I heard that, o wise kings? If you want anything done, ask a chick. I suppose you left the poor little Virgin Mary up to her armpits in dishwashing suds! We three Kings of Orient are. Wise, huh!”

— Julie Grenness

Julie Grenness is a poet and writer in Australia. She’s a former teacher who now tutors and mentors young people.