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Ihave alwaysbeen a sucker for an English accent. Welsh, too. Michael Caine was my pretend love for years.

Now in isolation my fantasies have become strange, more weird than usual, some would say troubling.

I find I'm attracted to the Geico Gecko lizard.So adorable. His accent thrills me. I do think, and I am not a doctor,he may have thyroid issues. He has bulging eyes, which is often a sign, though I always liked the color green.

Even so, green would not influence me to be drawn to Kermit the Frog inthatway, nice as he is. His high-pitched voice is a turnoff.

Getting back to the Geico guy. FYI, we will never get together unless I change car insurance companies.

Understand, I prefer dates who are taller than me in general, and, furthermore, I do not, as judgmental as this may seem to some, date lizards. Perhaps I'm picky, too choosy you may think.

Could it be I simply have a certain type I'm drawn to? Or as a therapist might conclude that my being so isolated from reality and human touch, maybe Ishould consider a name change toSenorita Lolita Loco?

Let's face it. Everyone has their own peculiarities and prejudices for whom they are hot for or not.One friend is obsessed with men connected todwellings in any way. After a satisfying weekend with a successful realtor, she split when during intimacy he revealed that he was quitting the business and studying to be a midwife.

One naive friend said a guy she met online said he'd take her on a trip to the Spice Islands and she was ecstatic. It turned out it was in the cabinet in the kitchen, which was next to his bedroom. Needless to say, she fled the scene, stealing the garlic salt on her way out.

Okayyou do know this is a silly column.I won't date that gecko or anyone in his family.

By now, after reading this far you must be aware and take into consideration that, like most of you, I've been in this house alone more than four months. I am cuckoo with Manor Madness. Please disregard everything written above.

Honestly, I'm in good shape since I'm now in a more satisfying actual relationship.

Friends, allow me to introduce you to my new cuddly pillow I named Mr. Sean Connery.

- Jan Marshall

Jan Marshall's life's work is devoted to humor and healing through books, columns and consulting. A humorist and television host, she is a Certified Master Hypnotherapist.In 1986 she founded the International Humor & Healing Institute. Her board members included Norman Cousins, Steve Allen, Dr. Bernie Siegel and John Cleese, plus other physicians and entertainers.Her newest satirical survival book is calledDancin' Schmancin' with the Scars: Finding the Humor No Matter What!As a survivor, she donates a percentage of book profits to the American Cancer Society, American Brain Tumor Association, Wounded Warriors and The Laguna Woods Village Foundation.