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By Tyann Sheldon Rouw

I have very low expectations for learning in our home during this strange time of isolation and quarantine. I refuse to create complex schedules for my sons to follow. I have been creating daily schedules for over a decade for Isaac and his autism. I can't add academics to that mix. Not right now. It will interfere with the time I've reserved for my mental breakdown.

I love and respect teachers. Teachers are my favorite people, and I miss them all very much. Obviously, I'd prefer that my boys return to school. But as each day unfolds, it is what it is. We wait and see what happens.

I see people on Facebook doing science experiments with their kids, making crafts, reading aloud and going on virtual field trips. These parents are saints. God bless their precious hearts!

​I'd rather get a root canal, but my dentist office is closed.

Our kids are teenagers, or as I'm calling them nowadays, "the quaranteens." They are good kids. Smart kids. Isaac's school has no plans to provide specially designed instruction remotely at this time. That's fine with me. I'm not sure he would willingly participate. Henry's a ninth grader, and there's nothing he's required to do online. He has perused the various links on Schoology. I know he's done some Spanish review. He said he checks online regularly for announcements. I believe him. He's a good student. I'm not going to look over his shoulder, although I have been in touch with some of his teachers. Noah starts online learning soon for his college courses. It's critical that he finish the semester, although he has the option to avoid grades and take classes on a credit/no credit basis if he chooses. I'm grateful. The professors have admitted it's all new and scary for them, and they'll have to take it one day at a time.

I started thinking about what we have done here at home, and we definitely haven't done homeschooling. Or have we?

SOCIAL STUDIES

At the dinner table one evening, my husband Chris took a bite of bread with peanut butter.

Henry looked at it and said, "That looks like the Sphinx in Egypt."

Nobody said anything in response.

DEBATE

Me: Why are you opening this bag of candy?

Henry: You said yesterday to wait until tomorrow.

Me: I never said that.

Henry: Well, I guess Dad did then, and you agreed with him.

Me: I don't think so.

Henry (eating the chocolate): These Dove eggs taste better than Dove soap.

Me: Ha ha, Henry.

Henry: Mom, they do.

When Chris got home from work:

Me: Did you say anything to Henry about the Dove eggs?

Chris: No, I never said anything to him about them.

​Me: I knew it!

Score: Henry 1, Parents 0

READING

I think they were all reading something, but who knows for sure?

PE

Noah loves to walk outside, and he typically goes for a long walk daily — at least once but sometimes more — to stretch his legs and get away from the family. Every time he puts on his coat and heads for the door, I say the same thing with a desperate tone: "Noah, please remember to come back."

If he ran away from home, I wouldn't blame him one bit. He thought he was coming home for spring break, but now he's here until late August.

The basketball hoop behind the house has seen a lot of action as well. One afternoon I took Isaac and Henry to a park so they could shoot hoops and not hit our house. They were the only two people on the court. It was cold. Henry said it was okay, so I walked across the park bridge, took pictures and came back to see they were still there.

I've been walking every day because if I don't get away from my family, I might hurt someone.

MUSIC

Isaac's been streaming his country music on K98.5 FM 24/7 since 3:30 p.m. on Friday, March 13. It never stops. He takes the music into the bathroom when he showers, but we can still hear it. He has it on all night long. Sometimes I tiptoe into his room to shut it off, with varying degrees of success. Henry knows all the lyrics to all of the country songs these days. God, help us.

Henry practices his trombone most evenings, typically after 10 p.m. when we are trying to watch a good TV show. He played it during the entire season finale of This Is Us. I just kept turning up the volume of the TV and prayed that Isaac wouldn't come upstairs and pull the plug on the whole show.

But really, music makes everything better. A few days after Noah arrived home from college, Noah and Henry were playing their trombones. Sometimes they played together. Other times they played separately. I had never heard anything so beautiful, as crazy as that sounds. Just hearing those two play together made me cry happy tears. After such a drastic change in life and feeling a little down about being held captive, these trombone tones lifted my spirits. I'll never tire of hearing Henry play his trombone solo since he can no longer perform for a judge this spring. I'll never tell Noah to stop playing jazz.

But I might shut off Isaac's iPad or turn it down when he's not looking.

SCIENCE

This is a bit of a stretch for science, but one night during dinner:

Chris: Speaking of aliens, there used to be a show on TV starring Robin Williams. It was called Mork & Mindy. Mork from Ork was an alien who lived with a woman in Boulder, Colorado. His spaceship was the shape of an egg. His greeting was, "Na-nu, na-nu!" It was one of the first roles for Robin Williams. I forget, though, which planet Mork was from.

Me: Mork from Ork.

​Chris: Oh yeah, Ork!

FAMILY AND CONSUMER SCIENCES

I allow Isaac to be in charge of lunch. He loves to be in charge when so many other things are out of his control.

MATH

Story Problem:

Isaac heated up eight hot dogs for lunch. We had eight hot dog buns. Isaac ate three hot dogs. Henry ate two hot dogs. Noah and Mom ate one hot dog each. We have two hot dog buns left over but zero hot dogs. How did this happen?

Answer: Mom didn't eat a hot dog bun. Noah dropped one hot dog on the floor and it was thrown in the garbage.

TIME MANAGEMENT

Me: We drove to my hometown and back and were gone for two hours. What did you do?

Henry: I took a shower and ate a brownie.

Me: That's all you did in two hours?

Henry: Well, I only had two hours...

SPELLING

We watch Wheel of Fortune every night at 6:30 p.m. Every night. It's Isaac's favorite show.

ART

I don't even want to know how many hours Henry has played "Animal Crossing," a new video game that conveniently came out during this time. He created the Hawkeye hat and shirt for his character.

I don't feel guilty about any of my decisions. If things change, I will put on my teacher hat and do the best I can. I will give it my all.

Until then, I'm going to hug my kids and enjoy the fact that we are all living together in a small space, and we haven't committed any crimes.

— Tyann Sheldon Rouw

Tyann Sheldon Rouw lives in Iowa with her husband and three sons. Her work has appeared in Yahoo Parenting, Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, The Mighty, Brain Child Magazine, the Chicken Soup for the Soul Series and various newspapers. In her free time she enjoys managing chaos, deep breathing and wearing her old blue robe.