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Confused by cloud computing? Float right up

You're probably heard by now the term cloud computing.

But what is it and why is it important?

You've come to the right place. Let me explain.

Cloud computing happens when you elevate into the clouds and do computer tasks there. From this lofty location you send emails, create PowerPoints, do Zoom calls, punch in numbers to Excel, and write blogs.

Rather than sit at a desk, in the clouds you float around. There are two reason for this: Because there are no chairs to sit on in the clouds and because you're closer to the Moon where astronauts also float around. The closer you get to the Moon, such as in the clouds, the more likely you will float around.

There will be other people up there doing the same thing as you, spamming and floating. This is because cloud computing has blossomed into a big trend and is bound to expand even more over the next several years.

But pay the others up there with you no mind. They, too, are confused about cloud computing and won't be able to help you. Misunderstandings about cloud computing run rampant. Embrace the bewilderment.

When planes fly by you in the clouds, you'll notice the noise level rising. Bring ear plugs. Sometimes you will need to grab your computer and float to another location to ensure the jets flying at 600 miles per hour don't hit you. That would end your life. You don't want that. You've got important cloud computing to get done that's due by close of business every day.

To give yourself ample time to prepare for the jets, Google on your computer to figure out when they will zoom by. If you're worried about an American Airlines plane hitting you, for instance, type in "American Airlines," check their flight schedules, and get out of the way when the planes go by. If you don't, you'll be in trouble.

To figure out where you are in relation to the planes, you will have to know your location in the clouds. Type in GPS on your cloudy computer and it will tell you where you are. But don't spend the whole day worrying about when the planes are coming by.

You would have to do some physics calculations to nail the match. There's no time for that and the chances of your calculations being incorrect are considerable.

Focus on sending emails and creating PowerPoints. Add some images of clouds to the deck. Stay focused on the task at hand even though you're in the path of aircrafts.

There's something else you need to keep in mind. Clouds are large groups of air filled with condensed water vapor. You don't want your computer to get wet because that will damage the electronic circuitry inside your PC. Then your cloud computing won't work. You'll be stuck in the clouds with nothing to do.

Bring a towel with you. If your see condensation appear on your keyboard, wipe it off immediately. You may have to do this 30-to-40 times a day. This task is an occupational hazard you must endure to gain benefits of computing in the cloud.

You also need to be cognizant of thunderstorms. When they hit, the clouds will get dark gray. It will be tough to see your computer screen. Bring a flashlight and candles and matches in case the battery runs out. Regardless of clouds enveloping you, it's your responsibility to continue being productive so you can bolster America's gross domestic product.

Be sure to have an umbrella. When the storm lets loose its gushes of rain, you will get drenched. Nevertheless, don't let your computer get wet. Water wrecks electronics. Cover the PC with your hands or shoulders, or put it under your shirt or blouse until the storm passes.

In choosing where to set up shop in the clouds, you will need to know about three different types of clouds. One, called cirrus clouds, sport wispy strands; the second, cumulus clouds, look like delicious mashed potatoes begging to have gravy poured on them; the third, an offshoot of cumulus clouds, are stratocumulus clouds. These look like clouds draped across the sky in sheets.

If you like mashed potatoes, plant yourself in the cumulus clouds. Don't expect to be fed mashed potatoes there - nor anything else because clouds are not farms. But at least you will be in a place that looks like a food you enjoy eating. For food you'll be on your own to scrounge around.

If indifferent to mashed potatoes, station yourself in the cirrus clouds. There you will probably get more work done because you won't be distracted thinking about mashed potatoes.

One final tip: Birds fly around in the clouds. Feel free to watch them from time to time. But don't get so caught up with bird-watching that you forget to finish your cloud computing assignments on time and within budget.

Computing in the clouds is not a free pass to leave your head in the clouds.

- Charles Hartley

Charles Hartley is the president of Carolina Content & Media Relations Corporation based in Davidson, North Carolina. The company improves the quality of writing, content marketing and media relations for high-tech businesses. He writes a tech humor blog,Tech Tales From the Hart.

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