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Repast due

It gets harder to set a holiday table with each passing year

Thanksgiving's just around the corner;

Called my mom, so I could warn her

I no longer find prestige in

Eating turkey - now I'm vegan.

Mushrooms can't have sausage stuffing.

Yams: without marshmallow fluff. String

Beans are fine without the butter

(Nothing that comes from an udder).

Gingered carrots can't have honey.

Bacon-wrapped dates? Won't eat one. We

Need to focus more on plant-based;

Screw those deviled eggs from Aunt Grace.

Everyone will hate me when you

Tell them how I trashed your menu.

Tension's surely gonna thicken

Once they learn I'm also Wiccan.

- John Branning

John Branning writes, and having writ - he instantly moves on. / He sometimes writes in verse, which he hopes surely proves beyond / the faintest shadow of a doubt regarding stanzas he is spewing: / It's clear to those who read them - he does not know what he's doing. His political poetry hangs out at TheTrumpPoems.com, and you can also tune into his weekly podcast "This Week at the Trump Poems" on all major podcasting platforms.

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Foiled by fall foliage

War has come to my yard! But this battle doesn't involve modern conventional weapons with individual rounds of ammunition that cost almost as much as my eldest and most expensive daughter's wardrobe. Instead, this is a battle against one of the most annoying forces of nature known to man-the scourge of autumn leaves. At some point in mid-fall, all of the delinquent trees in my neighborhood get together in the middle of the night to vape and prank the middle-aged neat freak with the tidy l ...
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It all comes out in the wash

Because I don't do laundry, even though I often air it in public, I am frequently in hot water. But I didn't want my house to be in it, too, so I recently contracted to replace the water heater, which threatened to blow like Old Faithful and spray steaming hot water all over me, which at least would have allowed me to do laundry without having to take off my dirty socks and underwear. The two guys who came over to do the job were the father-and-son team of Keith and Keith Scanlon. Keith S ...
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