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Dancing to checkout
If they don't want us to do the Samba or another dance, then why do they play music in the market,forcing us to move to the beat while mindlessly dumping seven cans of anchovies into those moveable magical carts that become our boogie partners until we find a live match?
Why does management think it is necessary to call thepoliciato stop our dancing?
The audacity!
By the way, I met and discarded a man at fresh tomatoes who wanted to Tango, which often is another word for groping.
I did meet a stud at fresh sushi and we disco'd to frozen foods. If it wasn't for that lawman, we'd still be defrosting together. It's difficult to dance to the "Saturday NightFever" theme in handcuffs. We know that better than anyone since the hand movements are part of our choreography.
Now that I've switched to Amazon (not to bragggg), but I AM their prime customer, which I deem as being kind of a specialness.
I dance as soon as I see the delivery guy as I believe it is expected from special customers, but he drives away too quickly.
Why I bothered to wear my glittery bodice top hat and tutu is a good question! Frustrating!
One time I started following that Amazon fella, forming a Conga line while picking up a few quite talented neighbors along the way toward the highway. While shimming to the next freeway, we stop to change partners, which seems to cause lots of honking around us. Picky picky!
Perhaps if I become a politician's dupe or a falling star, fading into semi oblivion I will go on "Dancing With The Stars." If I win, in my acceptance speech I will chastise the markets that humiliated and demeaned me at senior personal products by shouting loudlyfor a price check. But I'll acknowledge where I am always treasured - my true love Trader Joe's, the only market, thus far, that has not had me arrested!
On my last trip they played a delightful ditty. Fantasizing I wasBeyonc, I met another mensch at beer and bagels. We boogied to the pumpernickel pantry. We made a tentative date to meet at Rubio's for Taco Tuesday believing they might be more encouraging of our talent.
I never saw him again.Unfortunately, I lost him to a sugar pie. Hmm. I knew her in school when she was simply (slutty) Zelda Pipic Schlitzmann.
- Jan Marshall
Jan Marshall's life's work is devoted to humor and healing through books, columns and consulting. A humorist and television host, she is a Certified Master Hypnotherapist.In 1986 she founded the International Humor & Healing Institute. Her board members included Norman Cousins, Steve Allen, Dr. Bernie Siegel and John Cleese, plus other physicians and entertainers.Her newest satirical survival book is called Dancin' Schmancin' with the Scars: Finding the Humor No Matter What!As a survivor, she donates a percentage of book profits to the American Cancer Society, American Brain Tumor Association, Wounded Warriors and The Laguna Woods Village Foundation.