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"You should write a book, a humor book. After all, you like to make people laugh," they said. I thought about it. I blog, so how much harder could it be? Besides, NaNoWriMo 2018 -National Novel Writing Month 2018- is on its way, and I need to shape up. One month isn't very long when it comes to producing 50,000 words or more. That's a lot of words each day!

Because a writer has to be in good shape of mind to write that much that fast, I thought I'd give it a practice run. That is, start a novel now and see how I do. I've been keeping a log (or diary) to critique my progress. Things may not always go that well, but at least I will know how I can improve.

My log entry for one day of this past week:

6:00 p.m. Sitting down to write. Goal: three pages. Listened to Fleetwood Mac's Can't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow. Am really stoked. Going to make these three pages great, funny, whatever…

6:30 p.m. still sitting here. Nothing. Creativity deader than a squashed frog. Will try to write some words down anyway. That might lead to something.

7:00 p.m. Mishmash of words on computer screen. Going to advise reader to read these three pages with lots of caffeine or other brain boosters to accentuate clarity of written word.

7:15 p.m. If I don't get this mash of words straightened out, I will need drugs myself. Maybe six pack of beer will suffice or bottle of merlot. Make that two bottles.

7:45 p.m. Unable to write self out of a paper bag. It's dark in bag.

8:15 p.m. Now more than two hours later. Words not talking to each other. Have written several sentences, maybe a whole paragraph.

8:30 p.m. Paragraph doesn't make sense. Sentences tangled up. Words hate each other.

8:45 p.m. Words playing solitaire. How to go on to next paragraph when the first one doesn't work?

9:00 p.m. First paragraph still fuzzy, not quite the way I want it. Almost there…so will go on to next paragraph.

9:30 p.m. Second paragraph much longer than first. Words disorderly. Won't convey message the way I want. Words threatening mutiny.

9:45 p.m. Working on third paragraph. Pushing this through. Not funny. Looking for funny metaphor, none in sight. Brain depleted of funny metaphors.

10:00 p.m. Fourth paragraph in sight. Almost one frickin' page completed. Found metaphor. Grabbed it by its big toe and jammed it in there. It's funny now.

10:45 p.m. Getting tired. Working on fifth paragraph anyway. Almost one page done. Hole in paper bag. Lights are still on…outside of bag.

11:00 p.m. Five hours to write one imperfect page. Having hard time writing funny. Looking for punchline for fifth paragraph. Think punchline just hit me in the face.

11:15 p.m. Trying to do word count. Words won't sit still. Maybe should just count sentences and not drink entire bottle of wine.

11:30 p.m. Still writing first paragraph of second page. Maybe should write poem instead. Then would have good excuse for disorganized syntax.

11:45 p.m. Still considering poem. Could make it short. Might settle for Haiku and then go to bed.

12:00 a.m. Eyelids heavy. Feel like sandbags. Going on Twitter. Expect reading angry tweets to wake me up.

12:30 a.m. Tweets waste of time. Going to outline paragraph.

1:00 a.m. Lost in my mind. Might be dreaming. Still looking for beginning sentence of new paragraph. It's in there somewhere…

1:15 a.m. Sat in chair asleep.

1:30 a.m. Gave up. Going to bed. Need sleep to write.

3:30 a.m. Insomnia. Transposing words and sentences in my dreams, I think that's what I am doing.

4:00 a.m. Finally asleep….maybe.

-Maggie Millus

A published writer of several science text books, Maggie writes humor, cartoons, and blogs at her website, Barmy Bottom Hollow (https://barmybottomhollow.com). There she writes about the humor in family relationships and personal issues.