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I don't know if hats are in or not. I have zero fashion sense. And I hate yoga pants, so that puts me out of the fashion loop completely.

Yet I wear hats all the time. Wherever I go, as well as at home. At formal events, get-togethers with friends, a trip to the mall. The fact is, I have a form of neuralgia and a tendency toward migraine, which makes it imperative that I keep my head warm. Cold is one of my headache triggers. (So is alcohol, unfortunately. And caffeine. Sigh.) When I explain this to people, they ask, "What about the summer?" Well, summer weather might be warmer, but air conditioning is a killer, and a fan anywhere near me makes my head and face ache.

My hats don't prevent all headaches, but they help a lot. The problem is being highly aware that wherever I go, I am usually the only person in the room, or the building or possible the whole state, who's always wearing a hat.

I worry that I look weird, overdressed or over-the-top, so to speak. I have searched for hats for cold weather and warm that don't make me stand out too much. In the winter it's relatively easy, because there are lots of options. Also, in the winter it's not unusual for people to wear hats, except I'm the one that doesn't take the hat off when I get inside. In warmer weather, variations of baseball caps work, although in some settings they look too informal, perhaps a bit goofy.

On the plus side, I often get compliments about my hats. Also, they're fun to shop for. And I don't feel obligated to always have a matching bag. Yet I worry. And not in a good way. Do people talk behind my back, as in, "Why on earth is she always wearing a hat?" "Does she think we're at the Kentucky Derby?" "Is she expecting an invitation to the royal wedding?" If I were among the hat-free, I wonder, would I gossip about someone who always wears hats? I'm embarrassed to admit it's possible; I'm nothing if not shallow.

Think I'm being too self-conscious? While hosting a small party and wearing a modest straw hat recently, I walked into my living room and was greeting with, "I think there's a lamp somewhere that lost its shade!" It was my brother, so I should've expected something along those lines. I come from a family of competitive jokers. I replaced the straw one with a Patriot's (the football team) hat. That quieted him down, along with the snickers coming from elsewhere. Did I chicken out? Should I have stood my ground, hat-wise? Actually, I just wanted to shut him up.

Maybe the answer is to design the headgear equivalent of a medical ID bracelet. I envision a patch on each hat sporting the symbol seen on medical alert bracelets and the cute little jackets therapy dogs where: three interlaced red branches surrounding the snakes-on-a-stick symbol, the medical insignia known in more learned circles as the caduceus. (Please don't ask me to pronounce that.) The symbol could be topped off with the words, Medical Headgear. Or maybe Therapy Hat? Curative Cap? Healing Helmet?

In the end I know that there are a lot worse things that people have to put up with due to medical conditions, and there are a lot of much worse medical conditions. I suppose I should be grateful that while being the Crazy Hat Lady, I can make a feeble fashion statement as well.

So I won't say "I'll eat my hat," because I can't. Or "Hats off," because I can't do that either. But if someone wants to say I'm mad as a hatter, that's okay by me. Hat tip - me? Why not? And I won't do anything at the drop of a hat, except to put it right back on.

- Ann Green

Ann Green is a freelance writer, editor, PR consultant and tutor.