Blogs

Here it is, January 2018, and the whole new year's resolution thing starts again. I don't know about you, but I take this pretty seriously, so before I make any decisions I look at my list from last year:

2017 Resolutions And This Year I Mean It

This year you will: 1. Stop calling those stretchy garments your "fat" clothes. They are the clothes that fit. Quit pretending you hardly ever wear them and hang them up in the closet already. 2. No longer lay around in your bathrobe and socks binge watching Netflix during blinding winter snowstorms. You live in Florida. 3. Start doing 30 minutes of daily exercise and face the fact that Wii tennis does not count.

So, you can see I over-reached. I totally set myself up for failure. This year I want to set an obtainable goal, something that is hard but doable, you know, one resolution to really focus on. After serious contemplation and much soul searching, I decided to go through all my emails and unsubscribe from those people and products that no longer interest me. Yes. I will begin the year with email that pertains only to relevant issues in my life, like the Nordstrom Rack "Not Your Daughter's Jeans" Sale and the Boar's Head hummus BOGO's at Publix.

So, I begin the purge. The first one is from the Amazing Cats company. Last year I bought a toy bird that is supposed to fly around the room while your cat chases it, giving him lots of good exercise and something to focus on besides your new throw pillow from Crate and Barrel. Unfortunately, my cat ripped the poor little thing to shreds seconds before take-off. Since then Mr. Puff-Puff and I have decided exercise for cats is stupid and he apparently feels quite strongly about it. So, they will be the first to go.

I scroll down to the bottom of the email where it says in tiny letters Unsubscribe. I hit the button and prepare to move on but then a message pops up: SORRY TO SEE YOU GO! WE WILL MISS YOU! "Oh my," I think. I didn't mean to hurt their feelings or anything. It's just that my cat is lazy and fat. It's nothing personal! They've done nothing to warrant this really. It's not their fault my cat is in a perpetual Meow Mix coma. Not to mention, they seem to really like me. They're going to miss me! They want me to stay! It's the fifth grade, class secretary election all over again when Carla Malone had to give up the post because she had ballet after school and Mrs. Clancy asked me to step in. I'm popular!

I hit Cancel Unsubscribe and click out of my email. Maybe I should just revisit last year's resolutions, and I will. For sure. Next week. This week there are some major blizzards along the East Coast and a brand new season of Stranger Things just hit Netflix.

-Amy Koko

Amy Koko is the author of the humorous memoir, There's Been A Change of Plans, A Memoir About Divorce, Dating and Delinquents in Midlife, published in October, 2015 as well as the creator of the blog, Exwifenewlife.com, which deals with life after divorce and how great it can be! She is also a contributor to Huffington Post, Bravo Personal Space and SheSavvy. Currently she is finishing her bachelor's degree at the University of Tampa, and is planning to pursue an MFA in Creative Writing in the fall of 2018. Amy lives in St. Petersburg, Florida and is the mother of four, mostly well-adjusted kids and is currently working on her first fiction novel.