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I talk to myself. All the time. Every day.

I simply cannot think silently. I have tried to stop by following the advice in "Stop talking to yourself "articles. No dice.

I read an article recently called "How to Stop Talking to Yourself" on WikiHow.com. The first question posed was, "Is that you speaking or is it some other voice?"

"No, you idiot, it's my crazy Aunt Harriet, back from the dead!"

The second question was, "Do you annoy your fellow human beings?"

"Well, of course. But what has that got to do with me talking to myself?"

Truth is, I have had comments about my chattering on and on in my own voice. A lady I worked with once said, "I keep thinking you are talking to me. It's distracting." Another told me at my retirement party she looked forward to not ever again hearing the low hum from the adjoining office.

But now let's get serious. There are benefits to talking to yourself. I want you self-talkers out there to be aware of the following perks, put forth by the "experts." You can't go wrong with the "experts," you know. (I may have taken some license with a few of these.)

Ten Perks of Self-Talk

1. You can get the loving attention you may not get from busy and distracted loved ones. Looking in the mirror, you can say out loud as affirmation, "Honey, you look so wonderful today. So bright. So beautiful."

2. You can connect with a higher intelligence - to yourself and to your dog, you can say, "Let's leave these morons behind, and create our own space travel."

3. You can debate out loud and you will always win.

You One: "Well, I think Britney Spears is highly overrated."

You Two: "On the contrary, I believe you need to look at her as a product of current cultural trends."

You One: "Hogwash."

You One and You Two: "I win."

4. You can find lost things faster by repeating the lost item out loud. (Research has proven this.)

"Key, keys, keys. Diaphragm, Diaphragm. Diaphragm."

5. You may find speaking out loud will help your memory in other vital situations. "What's my name? Where do I live? Where have I left my child? (Who knows?)"

6. You can discuss your stress, thus alleviating it. "Now let's calm down, darlin'. No need to attack your neighbor's Ficus tree just because he plays that f-king trumpet night and day. Think loving thoughts. Bless your neighbor. (How did that spear get into my hand and hurt that poor little Ficus tree?)"

7. You can count your blessings. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

8. If you're single and don't want to be, you can fantasize a solution. "Today, I will imagine myself on a tropical island holding a Piña Colada, staring at the waves, and there appears a rich plantation owner saying he can't live without me at his side. And he must have me redecorate his million-dollar hideaway on the beach." After much thought out loud: "No, better yet, I imagine myself all alone in a million-dollar beach house, warding off unfaithful plantation owners with a club. (The Pina Colada stays.)"

9. You can prioritize aloud, stay on track and get organized:

"Let's see. Today, I take a shower, get dressed, walk the dog, go to the market, write a blog post."

"Let's see. Today, I take a shower, get dressed, walk the dog, go to the market, write a blog post."

"Let's see. Today, I take a shower, get dressed, walk the dog, go to the market, write a blog post." (Repetition is essential if you're over 50.)

10.Y ou can promise yourself anything. Speaking aloud affirms your dreams. "No, no, not Arpege. I deserve more. I will win the lottery. All I need is $500,000 for the condo in Florida, travel money for Spain or Montevideo, 15 pairs of cute shoes, and a lifetime income so I never, ever have to sit in a cubicle again."

- Kaye Curren

Kaye Curren has returned to writing after 30 years of raising two husbands, two children, two teenage stepchildren, three horses, umpteen dogs and cats, and several non-speaking parakeets. She used to write computer manuals but now writes humor essays, human interest stories and memoir. Her guest posts are recently featured on humorwriters.org, LiteraryMama.com, SheKnows.com and SheWrites.com. Kaye recently had the fun of judging the Beyond Your Blog Humor Essay Contest. Find her musings on her website/blog at writethatthang.com.