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My wife and I went shopping last night. Well, actually, she went shopping; I just went to buy something. We have a great relationship, but - like many couples - our concepts of the purchasing process are light-years apart.

Like most men, I believe that buying something should be like making a military air strike: rapidly approach the target (the merchandise), drop your ordinance (the payment), and then immediately exit the area. Women, on the other hand, seem to think that the shopping process is as important as the purchase and, therefore, that it is an experience that must never, ever be rushed!

'Not convinced that I'm right? Just consider how each might buy a new pair of black shoes.

First, a man would have to be persuaded (by hint, suggestion or threat) that his 18-year-old black shoes really needed to be replaced. Only then would he proceed to the nearest shoe store. Time and convenience, after all, are important shopping issues.

Selecting a new pair of shoes would not take a man long as only three things really matter: Are the shoes approximately black? Are they approximately the right size? Are they approximately the same price that he paid for his old black shoes 18 years ago? If the answers to these three questions are all "yes," he would purchase the shoes and be back home before the ink on his receipt is dry. To be really successful, of course, he would complete the whole round-trip shopping excursion during a single NFL TV time-out.

That, however, is absolutely NOT how any woman, including my wife, would buy anything! To begin with, what triggers a woman's desire for new shoes is still a mystery. Once activated, though, only cardiac arrest and the last ten minutes of childbirth have ever been known to halt a woman's shoe procurement process.

One thing is certain: a woman's search for new shoes has absolutely nothing to do with time or convenience. And, while she might not visit every available store (probably just all within fifty miles of her home), she would ultimately try on enough pairs to fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool.

The final shoe selection, of course, could take a woman anywhere from a minimum of a few days to a few weeks. Eventually, though, after looking at nearly every style of black shoe ever manufactured, she would bring home a new pair of red shoes.

While neither concept of shopping is necessarily wrong, these significant differences can create considerable relational stress between men and women. This problem could be forever eliminated, however, if some wise entrepreneur, attempting to meet the needs of both, would simultaneously build a chain of strategically-located, drive-thru clothing stores and 80-acre shop-'til-you-drop theme parks.

Which would be for men and which for women, you ask? If you're breathing, you should know the answer. If you're not sure, though, I'll give you a clue: There would be absolutely no need for men's restrooms in the shopping theme parks.

- Jerry E. Tobias

Jerry Tobias is an aviation writer who flew everything from supersonic military aircraft to Boeing 747s during a 40-year career as an Air Force, corporate and airline pilot. He also speaks as an aviation safety specialist and as a motivational speaker discussing life lessons learned through aviation.