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A lot of things had happened.

I was buying a house. I'd dug so deep into my pockets that I'd gouged my ankles for the money to send my son Jon to Ireland with his school choir. My mother died.

One day it hit me: The only way Jon would have his passport in time for his trip was if I paid the extra fee to expedite it. I thought of the movie California Suite where four L.A. tourists are merging onto a freeway. The driver yells to ask if it's clear. His wife yells back, "It's alright if you hurry!" The driver then bellows: "It's not alright if you have to HURRY!"

I hoped the Department of State thought it was alright if they had to hurry.

Next I realized I was missing a form, the DS-3053, the notarized one from my ex-husband giving his permission for Jon to leave the country.

I called my ex-husband who lives in Maryland. He was leaving town early the next morning and it was already late afternoon. With the Herculean effort only a father whose kid is about to lose out on a trip to Ireland can pull off, he made it to the post office where the form and a notary were available and had the whole mess overnighted.

Days passed. Then I received an email from the Department of State saying there was an error - a discrepancy between two dates noted on the form.

I called my ex-husband who was in L.A. He rushed to the nearest mailing service and filled out the form again. Calling me from the store, he said, "Here - I think you should talk to the notary." A voice on the other end said:

"Ms. Aronin, this is Mazhar."

"Yes?"

"Well ma'am, I was just explaining to Mr. Aronin that as a notary in the State of California, I'm not allowed to notarize this exact physical form from the Department of State. What I can do is attach a separate notarized form showing that I witnessed Mr. Aronin's signature on this date and on that form, but I can't notarize that exact form."

"And the reason for that?"

"Because the State of California doesn't recognize the language of the DS-3053."

"The State of California doesn't recognize English?"

"No, ma'am. I mean the State of California doesn't recognize the language of the DS-3053."

"So what you're telling me," I said, "is that the State of California is saying to the federal government that it has an issue with the wording of one of the federal government's own forms? Really, don't you think California is being a bit of an upstart?"

"Ma'am, I can't say I understand it either; that's just the way it is," said Mazhar.

When the passport arrived in time, my ex-husband and I would have high-fived each other if not for the fact that, as indicated by the need for the DS-3053 using language unrecognizable by the State of California, we weren't standing close enough to reach each other.

- Teece Aronin

Teece Aronin is an essayist and humor writer. You can find her work at ChippedDemitasse.blogspot.com, CAWLM.com and TrueHumor.com.