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I have bursitis in my hips

Arthritis in my back,

I'm both near- and far-sighted

And there's some memory I lack.

There's discomfort in my legs

Sometimes in my tummy,

And my lack of total recall

Make me feel that I'm a dummy.

My posture has seen better days,

I'm careful with my knees,

I limp on some occasions,

And always lose my keys.

I see my dermatologist

For a nasty, ugly itch.

I have so many doctors,

I can't tell which is which.

My neuralgia travels all around

Wherever it hurts most.

I forget what I was cooking

And always burn the toast.

Computers confuse me,

Make me feel obsolete

Somedays I'm stiff all over,

And, oh, my aching feet!

I'm short and getting shorter,

Everything is sore.

What did you say your name is?

Did I forget to lock the door?

My kids say they don't mumble,

That I have trouble hearing

I can't really tell, and,

Oh, damn, I lost an earring.

Some say use the heating pad,

Some say to put on cold.

Sometimes both or neither,

At least I think that's what I'm told.

As soon as it's made legal

There's one sure thing - I'm gonna

Get me a prescription

For medical marijuana.

- Ann Green

Ann Green is a freelance writer, editor, PR consultant and tutor.