Blogs
Sizzling weather sweats cool thoughts
It's been so hot in my town lately that I've been re-watching documentaries on the Discovery Channel about Antarctica, ice sculptures and grape freeze pops.
It's been so hot in my town that I have been reading books about the North Pole, Santa Claus and different brands of show shovels.
It's been so hot in my town I've thought about frying eggs and bacon on my back patio but haven't because experts tell me these foods will raise my cholesterol levels - the bad kind.
It's been so hot in my town I have thought of getting an ice tub - like the ones you see in NFL locker rooms - and soaking my head in it every 15 minutes of every day but take a break while I sleep.
It's been so hot in my town I have been reminiscing about a trip I took to Harvard University a few winters ago when there were 20-foot snow drifts and no students to be seen because they were hunkering down in their dormitories, probably doing what college students do.
It's been so hot in my town I've been contemplating what life is like in cold weather states such as Maine and Minnesota, and chilly countries such as Denmark and Siberia.
It's been so hot in my town I've thought about wearing an ice pack body suit.
It's been so hot in my town I've wondered if we live closer to the equator than we realize and, if that's the case, why haven't we figured that out sooner.
It's been so hot in my town I haven't even considered wearing a suit and tie anywhere for any reason including weddings and funerals.
It's been so hot in my town that when I touch the outside of my car in the front driveway it feels like when I was a kid and accidentally touched the kitchen stove while it was set to "high."
It's been so hot in my town that when I cut the grass sweat got in both my eyes, causing them to sting as if a bumble bee injected its juice into my veins.
It's been so hot in my town that I thought I might be crying, but the tears evaporated before I could understand my emotions.
- Sammy Sportface
Sammy Sportface is possibly America's best blogger. He is only mildly interested in the truth. To read his new book, Wipe That Smile Off Sammy Sportface, go to Amazon.com.