Blogs

There should be an exhibition swimming event at this upcoming Olympics.

In a pool without any lane line buoys, eight random Olympic swimmers should stand on the starting blocks. They dive in.

Soon after they hit the water to swim freestyle, an artificial 20-foot wave ascends exactly like the ones you see at amusement parks such as the Busch Gardens pool park. It breaks from the left side and crosses over the entire pool from lanes one through eight and the water gushes over the edges onto the deck.

The swimmers have to navigate the choppy waters. Five seconds later, another artificial wave breaks, this time from the right side.

While this is happening, the swimmers will go underwater and start grabbing at the legs and ankles of the other swimmers to slow them down and take them out of their rhythm. This will be kind of like that game swimmers play in the diving well called barracuda or sharks and minnows or whatever.

Underwater skirmishes will break out all over. More artificial 20-foot waves will curl up and pound down - every five seconds. Guys will dunk each other's heads underwater. No one will let anyone get too far ahead. If anyone takes a lead, the pool electronics will be programmed to automatically build up another wave aimed directly at the leader to slow that guy down.

The pool will look like the Atlantic Ocean does during a full-blown hurricane. Swimmers will be struggling to stay afloat. Exhaustion from wrestling each other underwater and fighting to keep their heads above water to breathe will vex them.

The biggest problem they will have to contend with, other than the onslaught of waves, will be the fact that the race is a 500 freestyle. Twenty laps in hydraulic mayhem.

Fans in the stands will become raucous. It will have the feel of a World Wrestling Federation event, all out of control and unpredictable.

They will root for the guys who are behind in the race. They won't want the first-place guy to get ahead. Leaders will be the bad guys. They will cheer for anyone who gets ahead to have a huge wave come his way to slow him down and make it tough to get anywhere fast. The race will become like a gladiator scene without shields and knives. Some blood will be drawn from skin abrasions. There will some thigh bruises and shoulder separations.

No one will win the race. No will finish the race. No will allow anyone to get through those laps.

The crowd will be beside itself. On the decks water will continue to pour. Some fans will get so excited they will jump in the water and wrestle with the swimmers themselves.

Others who stay in their seats will start doing the "Wave" cheer.

After an hour, the meet official will blow the whistle declaring the event over and that there is no winner.

There will be so much water drenching the deck of the pool that they will have to bring out water vacuums to soak it all up. This will delay the meet for three hours.

NBC will air the event live. Someone on their social media team will post a Tweet about it with a link to the video. The tweet will go viral and be retweeted 786,598 times on the first day.

It will be the story of the 2016 Olympic Games besides Michael Phelps finishing second in the 200 meter individual medley behind Laszlo Cseh of Hungary or Ryan Lochte or both.

- Sammy Sportface

Sammy Sportface is possibly America's best blogger. He is only mildly interested in the truth. To read his new book, Wipe That Smile Off Sammy Sportface, go to Amazon.com.