Blogs

(This piece first appeared in the Huffington Post. Reposted by permission of the author.)

A Reverse Mortgage for Buckingham Palace - Nothing will put a smile on those Buckingham Palace guards more then knowing their paychecks won't bounce.

List Scotland on EBay - Kilts, bagpipes and, if you "Buy it Now," Sean Connery will tape your phone machine message. Hurry before the EU beats you to it.

Adele is now available to play weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, Sweet 16s. "Hello, it's me. I was wondering if after all these years you'd like me to sing at your event."

Tour Liverpool with Pete Best - Enjoy historic, scenic Liverpool with one-time Beatles' drummer Pete Best. What fun and, if you think leaving the EU sucked, hey, you'll be reminded that it's still not as bad as leaving the Beatles.

Photo op with Keith Richards - Have your pic taken with the Rolling Stones legend. It'll be worth every pence spent and, face it, everyone looks smashingly well when standing next to the legendary guitarist.

Denny's Wimbledon - Who better company to sell the Wimbledon naming rights to than the home of the "Grand Slam" breakfast. Not only will it pay for the tourney, but also be a reminder that "breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

Make riding London's The Eye ferris wheel over and over again mandatory - Not only will it fill the national treasury but ride it enough times and you'll have that going-around-in-circles, nauseous feeling...much like the UK the morning after the vote.

Royal Shakespeare Theater's Put Your Name in a Shakespeare Play Sale - Big bucks for changing King Lear to, for example, King Larry from Paterson, New Jersey. Or, lesser bucks, for Hamlet to proclaim, "Alas, poor Gunter from Dusseldorf! I knew him."

Air2nb 10 Downing Street - What better way to spend time in London than at the Prime Minister's flat. And, with no other actual employment opportunities, there's a good chance you'll get a "cheerio" with your morning Times of London or Daily Mirror from former Prime Minister David Cameron and his wife Sharon who will be there to serve you tea and leftover humble pie.

Replace the double decker buses with Le Cars - Not only will the savings on petro be enormous, but every time a bus goes on its route, it's a potential world record for stuffing people in a mass transit vehicle. Win-win.

- Paul Lander

Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of - winning the Nobel Peace Prize or sending Sudanese peace activist, Fatima Ahmed Ibrahim, to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of central Africa's indigenous people. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has worked as a writer and/or producer for shows on ABC, NBC, Showtime, The Disney Channel, ABC Family, VH1, LOGO and Lifetime. In addition, he's written stand-up material that's been performed on "Leno," "Letterman," "Conan" and "Last Comic Standing." His humor pieces have appeared in Huff Post Comedy, McSweeney's, The New Yorker, Santa Fe Writers Project Journal, Humor Times, The Higgs Weldon and Hobo Pancake. In 2015, he placed second in the National Society of Newspaper Columnists' annual column contest in the online/blog/multimedia category for his pieces in Humor Times and was named the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop's "Humor Writer of the Month."