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Just another day at your local library: checking out books and breaking up fights
We librarians are expected to check out your books and answer your reference questions, but we're often called upon to perform other tasks. When a Facebook pal recently asked her fellow librarians: "What has been your most memorable 'other duty' since you began your career?" the responses she got might surprise people who think that library work is quiet, routine and humdrum:
Breaking up fights between moms in our play area.
Picking up poop in the Storybook Garden before the ice cream social.
I once guided the bomb squad as they slowly and methodically combed through our two-story library. Empty phone threat - phew!
Furnace repair.
Escorting a pigeon from the computer lab.
Breaking up a couple making whoopee in the women's bathroom. (I was the very definition of "coitus interruptus.")
Putting pajamas on a llama. (He was part of a story time presentation.)
Administering first aid to a patron who was stabbed in the computer lab.
I do Potty Story Time, so once every three months I spend 30 minutes extolling the virtues of pooping in a toilet to a room full of strangers.
Pulling weeds.
Posing for stock photos.
Distracting a student (who'd threatened a prof with a gun before hiding out at the library) until the police arrived.
Shoveling sidewalks.
Tending chickens.
Checking to see if the dude who'd been in his car in our parking lot for hours, motionless, was dead. (He wasn't. Just sound asleep.)
Holding a bag containing a baby wallaby so it would stay calm during a story time presentation.
Chasing down and tackling the jerk who grabbed our "Donate Your Spare Change To the Library" canister and ran out the door with it.
Helping patrons apply for Moose Permits.
Removing a black widow spider.
Climbing onto the roof to retrieve a young patron's stuffed animal.
Administering CPR to a patron who had a heart attack in the Reading Room. (He survived.)
Making a sign for one of our bathrooms that said, "There is a live duck in the bathroom. Do not let it out. Use the other bathroom."
So the next time the line backs up at your library's circulation desk because there's only one librarian on duty instead of the usual two? Don't get angry. That other librarian may be busy fixing the furnace, holding a wallaby, shoveling the sidewalk…or saving a life.
- Roz Warren
Roz Warren is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection of Library Humor. This essay first appeared in www.womensvoicesforchange.org.