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Town Happy When Medical Marijuana Facility Catches Fire

A Medical Marijuana hot house in California caught on fire sending clouds of THC-filled smoke into the air. At a press conference, a police spokesman told reporters, "I've never seen the town this happy before."

A local reporter asked: "What? People are happy to see a local business burn down?" "No," the spokesman said, "I've never seen them actually this happy. Apparently, inhaling the fumes had a positive effect on everyone." And, residents at a local senior facility reported they haven't felt this pain free in years.

Celebrities like Willie Nelson, Snoop Dogg and Woody Harrelson have already arrived to do what they can. Snoop Dogg breathing in deeply said: "Now that's some good sh**. Uh, I mean, what a shame..." Willie Nelson did have to be reminded a few times as to why he was there. And Woody Harrelson couldn't stop giggling and asking people to sing along to Bob Marley's "No Woman, No Cry."

The only down side to the Cannabis-filled smoke was an increase in appetite among some local pets who somehow got into a local supermarket and ate everything in the snack aisle.

For MTV's Real World, There's No Place Like Nome

MTV's Real World announced its latest destination - Nome, Alaska. An MTV spokeswoman insisted the choice was not made because the show had already been everywhere else. In fact, the MTV spokeswoman related, "Five super hot horny hunks, five nympho-maniacal, surgical-enhanced, amoral coeds with only each other to generate heat. Trust us; the pipeline won't be the only thing getting laid in Alaska."

MTV believes its formula of promiscuous young people, plenty of alcohol and a place where the nights are 18 hours long should make Alaska party central. Nome cast members will call a 10,000-square-foot, totally state-of-the-art igloo home. "We believe everyone's going to have an Arctic blast," the MTV spokeswoman assured.

And, to the question of how to maintain MTV's hipness factor, MTV responded that it's all in how you look at it. For example, one person's spear fishing is another person's "all you can eat, live sushi bar."

ABC Announces New Show, Pole Dancing With The Stars

To capitalize on the success of its trademarked Dancing with the Stars and the box office power of the Magic Mike movie franchise, ABC announced plans for its latest TV entry, Pole Dancing With the Stars.

A spokesperson for ABC raved, "The show has something for everyone. Both male and female viewers will get the thrust of what we're going for." Adding: "And, for some of our celebs, this a chance at a whole new career that doesn't involve using the phrase, 'Would you like fries with that?'"

The show's producers said the format would include allowing members of the studio audience to stuff dollars into contestants' G-strings and thongs. And celebs will be given their very own stripper aliases. The show's producers teased that people would have to tune in to see which celebrities were anointed "Silicon Valley" and "Thunder Down Under."

The show will have a humanitarian angle with each exotic dancer wannabe "making it rain" for their favorite charities - although contestant Shaquille O'Neal did warn, "I hope that pole ain't holding up the building."

- Paul Lander

Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of - winning the Nobel Peace Prize or sending Sudanese peace activist, Fatima Ahmed Ibrahim, to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of central Africa's indigenous people. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has worked as a writer and/or producer for shows on ABC, NBC, Showtime, The Disney Channel, ABC Family, VH1, LOGO and Lifetime. In addition, he's written stand-up material that's been performed on "Leno," "Letterman," "Conan" and "Last Comic Standing." His humor pieces have appeared in Huff Post Comedy, McSweeney's, The New Yorker, Santa Fe Writers Project Journal, Humor Times, The Higgs Weldon and Hobo Pancake. In 2015, he placed second in the National Society of Newspaper Columnists' annual column contest in the online/blog/multimedia category for his pieces in Humor Times and was named the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop's "Humor Writer of the Month."