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My household is completely without coffee or toilet paper this morning. I was going to dash off to the store, but then I decided to write about it instead.

When my husband wakes up in a few minutes, I may re-prioritize, as he will undoubtedly dust off his "Staples of Life" speech. It's all about the things which, in his estimation, are essential to living, and as such, no Decent American Home should be without them. We have several friends and family members who have had the pleasure of listening to him rant on this topic. In fact, if I weren't the target of said rant, I would probably find it as amusingly entertaining as everyone else does.

In my defense, the "Staples Of Life" speech contains a "floating list" that is subject to change based on his current unmet need. In the early days of our marriage, it was fairly succinct. As time marched on, however, it morphed and grew. Suffice it to say, coffee and toilet paper occupy premium real estate.

Things my husband thinks are the "Staples of Life" include, but are not limited to, the following:

Coffee
, toilet paper (and its personal hygiene cousins, soap, toothpaste and deodorant)
, bread
, milk
, eggs
, lunch meat
, Diet Coke
 - and anything else I am out of.

I prefer to view this as more of a semantics issue. Sometimes, when I forget to swing by the grocery store, I embrace a looser definition of the word "need." (As in, do we really NEED coffee or toilet paper?) There are several alternate sources of caffeine in our home. One can always brew oneself a nice soothing cup of tea or guzzle down an energizing can of Cola. As for the toilet paper, it's a proven fact that women use it more often than men, so if I can make do with a box of Kleenex, then he can, too.

With that said, I can't deny that there are flaws in my system of procuring goods from the marketplace. I have stubbornly refused to adopt the method that my spouse has endorsed through the years, which involves "taking inventory," using a "Master Build-To Sheet," and "Par Levels" to aid in re-stocking with organized efficiency. I acknowledge that, while this model works in his business, it's just not me.

I'm better suited to the browsing method, which entails meandering through the grocery store, sans list, searching for cues and inspiration from the shelves.

Admittedly, I can't always remember if we are already "stocked up" on an item, so I just buy it again. That is why we have five bottles of mayonnaise, three bottles of Karo syrup, eight cans of refried beans, six boxes of Cap'n Crunch (all opened), an embarrassing amount of Ramen noodles and no coffee or toilet paper.

This system is far from foolproof, which prompted this rather glib text from the hubby the other day:

By the way, one of those bottles is "Miracle Whip," which everyone knows is technically not mayonnaise.

I will probably swing by the grocery store today.

But with Valentine's Day swiftly approaching, remember that all we truly need is LOVE (sniff). ...Pass the Kleenex.

- Leslie Blanchard

Leslie Blanchard is a wife of one and mother of five, who writes the blog, A Ginger Snapped: Facing The Music of Marriage And Motherhood. After she received a journalism degree, she became the "Wind Beneath My Husband's Wings" and didn't write anything for 27 years, except her family's Christmas letter. All that changed with the invention of the iPad with a waterproof cover. Now, she lays in the bathtub all day, neglecting her other responsibilities, and writes about life outside the tub. Her essays are titled after songs because, as she and her hubby puzzle through a marriage or child-rearing problem, they sing the song that particular issue reminds them of (with a pertinent lyric change here or there).