Blogs
Hey, Facebook Yes, I'm talking to you 2
1. Hey, Facebook, finally, finally you said I might know someone and I do. I don't like them, but I actually know them. Congratulations.
2. Hey, Facebook, thanks for thinking I might be friends with Carly Simon. I bet you think that song is about me. Don't you. Don't you?
3. Hey, Facebook, thanks for the Jaguar ads. Your faith in my ability to afford one, although misguided, warms my heart.
4. Hey, Facebook, I am not going to redo my yard with drought-friendly plants - I rent!
5. Hey, Facebook, I do not believe that there is a simple way to lose belly fat.
6. Hey, Facebook, I don't give a sh** about 'Constipation Clinical Trials.'
7. Hey, Facebook, thanks for the 'Learn to flip houses' ads, but I'm thinking, for most of us, a more productive ad would be 'Learn to flip burgers.'
8. Hey, Facebook algorithm department, I put up a few Caetlyn Jenner posts and I get ads for hormone replacement. Well played.
9. Hey, Facebook, stop asking me if I'm friends with Joey Fatone. Even Justin Timberlake won't admit to that, why should I?
10. Hey, Facebook, this suggested ad includes you: 'Toxic Relationships: How To Recognize And Handle Them.'
11. Hey, Facebook, thanks for the reminders to events I'm not going to, by people I do not know, in places I've never heard of.
- Paul Lander
Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of - winning the Nobel Peace Prize or sending Sudanese peace activist, Fatima Ahmed Ibrahim, to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of central Africa's indigenous people. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has worked as a writer and/or producer for shows on ABC, NBC, Showtime, The Disney Channel, ABC Family, VH1, LOGO and Lifetime. In addition, he's written stand-up material that's been performed on "Leno," "Letterman," "Conan" and "Last Comic Standing." His humor pieces have appeared in Huff Post Comedy, McSweeney's, The New Yorker, Santa Fe Writers Project Journal, Humor Times, The Higgs Weldon and Hobo Pancake. In 2015, he placed second in the National Society of Newspaper Columnists' annual column contest in the online/blog/multimedia category for his pieces in Humor Times and was named the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop's "Humor Writer of the Month" in April.