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You're in line. You know, the one EVERYONE else is in. It's got the foot tapper, the kicking toddler, the sigher and, let's not forget, the item counter. Yes, you have 17 items in the express checkout and this person is loudly counting EVERY SINGLE one! The only redeeming thing about that moment is that YOU are a MOM and you have "THE PURSE."

As all moms know, the purse is not just an accessory, it is our portable house. Filled with all kinds of treasures that only we can appreciate. The purse has become an extension of our body. It can be wrapped around us in all kinds of ways. If placed correctly across the body, it actually does the same thing a Victoria's Secret push-up bra does. Ok, so maybe only on one side, but for those of us that are boob challenged, this is a small slice of heaven!

As I reach in to get my wallet, I notice the item counter looking my way. I proceed to give him the Mom stink eye and continue digging. It's got to be here. Where is my wallet? What did I just put my hand in? Yes, most days I am "that purse Mom." So in honor or horror (you be the judge of that) of this big old hot mess, here are the 13 reasons why my purse screams, "Mom."

1. Headless Lego men. I counted 11 of those bad boys one day. I'm a bit concerned that they were ALL missing their heads. Do I have a serial killer in the making?

2. Half-eaten turkey sandwich wrapped in a napkin. So that is where the smell was coming from.

3. Partially unwrapped tampon. Cooper thought it was a sucker and it almost made it to his lips until Hanna screamed, "No Cooper, that is for mom's period." You can only guess where this is going. "Mom, what's a period?" Yes, right then and there, we had the menstruation talk. My 5-year-old now knows that every 28 days, mom is NUTS!

4. Underwear. One pair for each kid and an extra. I'm still a bit puzzled as to where that extra pair came from.

5. Crayons. Broken, melted, chewed on and a few with dried-up boogers on the tip. I may have watched a kid (not saying who) use it for a nose picker.

6. 50-cent pieces covered in gum. How come I have so many of these, and why are they wrapped in gum?

7. Half-eaten apple squeezes and snack packs - all opened and possibly a bit moldy.

8. Random items ALL taken from restaurants. Fortune cookies, catsup packets, salt packets, chop sticks, sugar packets and drink umbrellas. It's like a party in my purse!

9. Clam shells. Random smelly treasures we just had to take from the beach.

10. Used dental floss. If the police ever need a DNA sample because of #1, they will have NO problem finding it in my purse!

11. A copy of the book You Are Doing a Freaking Great Job. Enough said.

12. Loose candy corn. Not sure how long they have been in there or what else they have been mixing it up with, but they sure taste good!

13. Two bottles of Ibuprofen and one tincture of Bachs Rescue Remedy. Cooper likes to call those two things, "Mom's medicine." You got that right, short stack! Wouldn't you need that if your purse looked like mine!

Nowhere on that list does it mention Band-Aids, hand sanitizer, nail clippers, UNOPENED snack packs, Wet-Ones, sewing kit or those tiny little Kleenex packs. Of course not, because those are all things that moms SHOULD have in their purse.

Sorry kids, you had the unfortunate luck of being born to "that purse Mom." Hey, I figure this teaches them the ever-so-important skill of talking to strangers. On many occasions, they have had to ask a complete stranger for a Band-Aid, wet one or a Kleenex. Oh wait, they're not supposed to talk to strangers. Cheese and rice, I really am "that Mom."

I'm not sure if I had all 13 items in my purse on that particular day. What I do know is that the item counter guy got a lesson in the contents of "the Mom purse" when I dumped it out on the counter. Don't worry, I offered him some candy corn as a thank you for being so patient!

- Sara Lindberg

Sara Lindberg is a full-time school counselor with two kids, ages 5 and 7. Her background includes a B.S. in exercise science and a M.Ed. in counseling. She has never considered herself a writer, just a woman with a lot of random thoughts in her head and access to a computer.