Skip to main content

Blogs

Hansel and Gretel to perform during World Series

Charles HartleyFor the first time in Major League Baseball history, two players from the same team have a last night name beginning with a lowercase "d" letter.

Travis d'Arnaud and Jacob deGrom are these "d"-men. To be precise, deGrom's name has changed to deGrominator because he dominates with his 99-miles-per-hour fastball. But that's a nuance. The theory holds because his last name, no matter what it is or was, begins with a small d.

He could change that small "d" to a capital one, "D," and be named "DeGrominator." On paper this looks like a guy who throws the ball hard whereas deGrominator feels less so. Small "ds" before big Gs lack visual punch.

Two Mets teammates share a similar last name kinship: Jeurys Familia and Yoenis Cespedes. They are not American names. When I when went to grade school during the Nixon administration, none of my classmates were name Jeurys or Yoenis. Each name has three syllabus. Both end in "s." Neither conjures up images of anyone we know named Hank, Stan or Billy.

Jeurys either sounds like he's on a jury in a New Jersey court case. Yoenis rhymes with Dennis from the 1960s TV show, Dennis the Menace.

My favorite Mets name is Hansel Robles because it reminds of me a famous kids' fairy tale and/or book titled Hansel and Gretel. I can see Hansel Robles having the last name of "Pan" to remind us of the Peter Pan fairytale.

Noah Syndergaard hung out on Noah's Ark. There he fired 100 miles per hour fastballs to Hansel, Gretel and Peter Pan. None of the three could make contact with Noah's Ark heater.

Which brings us to the World Series.

If there were a half-time show, Hansel, Gretel and Peter Pan would perform a dance number on Noah's Ark. But there isn't a half-time show in baseball.

The sport does, however, have a seventh inning stretch. That will be the time when all the smelly fans spray their necks and wrists with Bartolo Cologne, the new product being marketed by the Mets bullpen pitcher, Bartolo Colon.

The smell of the World Series is deJuerys.

- Charles Hartley

Charles Hartley is a freelance writer who has had more than 1,000 articles published in a wide range of media outlets focused on humor, sports, business, technology and consumers. He has earned master's degrees in journalism and business administration and a bachelor's degree in English and communications.

Previous Post

Is your home tidy and serene?

The Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying Up is a wildly popular book by Japanese cleaning consultant Marie Kondo about de-cluttering. Given how shallow and acquisitive our culture can be (Kardashians, anyone?), the fact that a book about getting rid of unnecessary stuff is on the New York Times bestseller list is probably a good sign. Kondo promises to help transform your home from the chaotic mishmash it is now to "a place of serenity and inspiration." Essentially, you're supposed to li ...
Read More
Next Post

Dishes Your Life

As the very model of the modern mixed-up man, I have long been baffled by one of the great mysteries of domestic life: If a dishwasher washes dishes, why do you have to wash the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher? That is the question I have been asking my wife, Sue, for the past 37 years. Her thoroughly convincing answer: "Because." It does no good to point out that in television commercials for dishwashers, or even for dishwashing detergent, dishes that are encrusted with food ...
Read More