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Hansel and Gretel to perform during World Series
For the first time in Major League Baseball history, two players from the same team have a last night name beginning with a lowercase "d" letter.
Travis d'Arnaud and Jacob deGrom are these "d"-men. To be precise, deGrom's name has changed to deGrominator because he dominates with his 99-miles-per-hour fastball. But that's a nuance. The theory holds because his last name, no matter what it is or was, begins with a small d.
He could change that small "d" to a capital one, "D," and be named "DeGrominator." On paper this looks like a guy who throws the ball hard whereas deGrominator feels less so. Small "ds" before big Gs lack visual punch.
Two Mets teammates share a similar last name kinship: Jeurys Familia and Yoenis Cespedes. They are not American names. When I when went to grade school during the Nixon administration, none of my classmates were name Jeurys or Yoenis. Each name has three syllabus. Both end in "s." Neither conjures up images of anyone we know named Hank, Stan or Billy.
Jeurys either sounds like he's on a jury in a New Jersey court case. Yoenis rhymes with Dennis from the 1960s TV show, Dennis the Menace.
My favorite Mets name is Hansel Robles because it reminds of me a famous kids' fairy tale and/or book titled Hansel and Gretel. I can see Hansel Robles having the last name of "Pan" to remind us of the Peter Pan fairytale.
Noah Syndergaard hung out on Noah's Ark. There he fired 100 miles per hour fastballs to Hansel, Gretel and Peter Pan. None of the three could make contact with Noah's Ark heater.
Which brings us to the World Series.
If there were a half-time show, Hansel, Gretel and Peter Pan would perform a dance number on Noah's Ark. But there isn't a half-time show in baseball.
The sport does, however, have a seventh inning stretch. That will be the time when all the smelly fans spray their necks and wrists with Bartolo Cologne, the new product being marketed by the Mets bullpen pitcher, Bartolo Colon.
The smell of the World Series is deJuerys.
- Charles Hartley
Charles Hartley is a freelance writer who has had more than 1,000 articles published in a wide range of media outlets focused on humor, sports, business, technology and consumers. He has earned master's degrees in journalism and business administration and a bachelor's degree in English and communications.