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"Are you kidding me?" my neighbor Tony exclaimed when I told him the idea. "You really think it'll work?"

"Of course it'll work!" I told him, citing the following examples of things other naysayers like him said would never work:

A documented Western Union memo written in 1876 that read: "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."

Decca Recording Company rejecting the Beatles in 1962: "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."

Ken Olson, president, chairman, founder of Digital Equipment Corporation in 1977: "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."

"I mean If Google can invent a driverless car, I can certainly engage my teenagers in a little organized cleaning action around here," I said to Tony. "No ifs, ands or buts about it."

God, I sounded so much like my mother, although she'd add "young lady" to the end of the sentence. That's when you knew you were in trouble at my house - when you got called "young lady" or when she looked straight at your eyes and said, "There will be no ifs, ands or buts about it."

It wasn't like I'd be asking my teenage daughters to run 10 miles barefoot or go to the world's longest symphony, Victory at Sea, and sit there for 13 hours straight! I just wanted them to avoid the onset of Saturday Morning Post Traumatic Cleaning Disorder by assigning one chore per day instead.

Growing up, I remember that my Mom's brilliant idea was to have a "job jar" ready to go. My brother, sister and I were forced to choose three slips of paper, lottery style, and do whatever the chores were before leaving the house. Oh, how I hated window washing on Saturdays. Eventually so did my friend Andrea Whittaker when her Mom employed her own job jar. We're still friends 45 years later, and we still laugh about the job jar.

It certainly comes as no surprise that teenagers don't like adult logic, especially when it's written in giant letters on a chalkboard door.

"Observez-vous," I told them. They hate it when I incite little French sayings.

The 14-year-old went into immediate whimpering mode. "Mom! How can I possibly vacuum the downstairs on Mondays when I have school work to do?"

"Honey, it's about 900 square feet of space," I said, petting the yellow Dyson. "You can do it in under 15 minutes."

Her eyeballs went into immediate upward rolling mode as she called out to her sister for backup support.

"Look at this!" she cried, pointing to the door. "Mom thinks she's going to make us clean everyday and cook a meal once a week."

The 15-year-old looked at the list as if she'd seen an explosion.

"But, but... I always clean the upstairs bathroom," came the protest. "Why can't she do it?"

"No you don't. I do," her sister shot back. "Mom, this is so unfair!"

Almost in unison, they asked what I meant by outdoor chores.

I told them to look out the window, deep into the yard, and tell me three things they thought "outdoor chores" could possibly mean. When they couldn't come up with a single answer, I filled in the blanks for them. Weeding. Cutting the lawn. And shoveling snow.

"Are you serious?" they cried.

I explained that I was. Why pay the kid down the street $25 when we have three capable women right here? Last time I mowed, it took 25 minutes from start to finish. Shoveling snow would be easy, too. The walkway is about six feet long. Weeding? Can you say two very small flower gardens?

I think the news was beginning to sink in.

"Yup," I smiled brightly. "We will rotate the duties between the three of us. Same with taking the garbage out on Sunday nights."

The protests lasted around five minutes until there was nothing left to dispute, swap or change.

That's when I delivered the final blow.

"And if you don't do it on the day that it's assigned, you will get grounded over the weekend," I said, feeling slightly empowered. "I am asking for 15 minutes of your time six days a week. You get Fridays off for good behavior, don't forget. We are a family unit, which means we are a team, which means we work together for the common good of our company unit, Sir. Any questions?"

Their eyes widened.

"No," they said.

I'm happy to report only two groundings have occurred, both in the first week, when they skipped walking the dog. I honestly hated to do it, especially when one had to miss a party, but they needed to learn that I meant business. And that dogs need to pee.

That's one thing I'm learning about parenting - you have to follow through on things in order to get results.

Life at the Fahrenthold-Pittmans is now its own symphony of clean, stress-free responsibility.

No ifs, ands or buts about it.

- Laura Fahrenthold

Laura Fahrenthold is an upcoming author who writes about widowhood and parenting her eyeball rolling teenagers on her hit blog, www.LauraFahrenthold.com.