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If you've ever been offered baked goods made "from scratching" or asked if you give hard "testes," there's a good chance you teach English as a Second Language (ESL).

Our crazy language is a minefield of unintended consequences, just waiting to ambush new learners. One seemingly insignificant change in spelling or pronunciation can affect meaning in a very significant way. I had the same experince a few years ago when I changed one teensy little vowel in Italian and instead of asking for my room key ended up inviting a hotel clerk in Florence to have sex with me. In the most explicit terms possible. (Not that I was opposed to it, mind you, but I still needed my key.)

Those teensy little changes will get you every time. That's all it took for one of my favorite students to become temporarily - but hilariously - lost in translation. Olga had only been in the U.S. a few weeks when she enrolled in my adult ESL class. One evening she came to my room about 15 minutes early and we began chatting. She wanted me to know how hard she was working outside of class to improve her English. She had started reading the newspaper in English, she said, and as a result, she'd made an important life decision.

"I read an article about how is good for the woman to have the condom," she told me with great certainty. "So, I decide I want buy the condom."

As diet Coke was shooting out of my nose, she quickly reassured me of the wisdom of her plan.

"Si, si, Lee, I think is very good idea," she insisted, nodding her head vigorously. "You have the condom, Lee?" she asked.

"Well, not on me," I said, a little flustered. "I don't really, I mean, my husband had a vas---. Um, never mind. No, I don't have a condom."

She was looking at me quizzically when suddenly - pop-the light bulb flipped on for her, but not quite all the way. "Oh, Lee, I know what you think. You think I am crazy. Is so much money for buy the condom."

"No, it's not that," I said, puzzled.

"No worry, Lee," she continued. "Is cheap for me because I no buy new condom. I only buy used!" She dramatically drew out the word "used" for about three syllables.

I couldn't even speak. All I could picture was a clothesline with a little row of freshly laundered condoms pinned to it, just a-swinging in the breeze.

In my head I was screaming, Oh, dear God, here's 10 bucks-please splurge, buy new!

Then suddenly - pop - the light bulb again flipped on, but this time for me and, I was pretty sure, all the way. "Olga, what do you think a condom is?" I asked.

"Uh, is like apartment," she answered with a casual shrug of her shoulders.

"No, my dear Olga, it is most certainly not like an apartment," I said emphatically.

I then filled her in on the difference between "condo" and "condom." One teensy little letter.

I don't believe I've ever seen the particular shade of red her face turned. When the blood, shock and laughter finally receded, she shook her head and said, "Ah, si, it is like you say in the class. One little letter makes the big difference."

Ah, si, indeed it does. And in this case, adding one teensy little "m" could be the difference between using that spare bedroom in your condo as an office - or a nursery!

- Lee Gaitan

Lee Gaitan is the author of two books, Falling Flesh Just Ahead and My Pineapples Went to Houston - Finding the Humor in My Dashed Hopes, Broken Dreams and Plans Gone Outrageously Awry. She also has written a chapter in the bestselling book, The Divinity of Dogs. Her work has appeared on The Huffington Post, Better Over 50, Mothers Always Write, Midlife Boulevard and The Good Men Project. She lives in suburban Atlanta with her husband and dog and blogs at Don't Just Bounce, Bounce Back. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.