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(This is an excerpt from Vikki Claflin's newly published book, Shake, Rattle & Roll With It: Living and Laughing with Parkinson's. Reposted by permission of the author.)

After the success of our date night, recommended in the article "10 Ways to Bring Back the Romance in Your Marriage," I thought I'd pick another suggestion for this week.

#4 was "Try something sexy and fun that you've never done before." As my mind began a quick visual reel of possibilities, I immediately ruled out naked tandem bungee jumping or partner swapping (unless I get Robert Redford and Hubs takes the homeless woman under the bridge), and finally settled on one of the author's ideas. I decided to learn to pole dance.

I know what you're thinking. This probably wasn't the obvious choice. Yes, I'm aware that I'm 57, I've never done this before, my gene pool leans more towards sturdy German peasant stock than limber Romanian gymnast, and I have Parkinson's. What the hell. Go big or go home, as they say. I promptly ordered a "Pole Dancing for Beginners" DVD and eagerly awaited the lessons on how to wow my man.

Of course, figuring out the pole part of the kit was a bit tougher. This isn't something you can just order and have delivered with no questions asked, especially when you live in a small town. When the UPS guy that you dated in high school asks "What's new with you?" as he delivers your porn pole, he really wants to know.

Three days later, my DVD arrived, and I immediately popped it in, ready to get started rockin' Hubs' world.

Since I didn't have an actual pole, I decided to improvise with the wooden pillar that separates the kitchen from the living room. Silently offering up a prayer that "weight bearing" was meant literally, I grabbed hold with both hands and prepared to execute my first exotic dance move.

1. The Wrap-Around. Grab the pole. Stick one leg out, swing it to the side, step and pivot (bending the knee to make it more graceful), hook the pole with your outside foot, and finish by arching your back. Yeah, no.

I grabbed the pole with one hand, swung a leg out to the side, whacking my foot on the indoor ficus, stepped and pivoted, twisting my ankle as I hooked the pole, then limped on to the Big Finish, energetically arching my back and swinging one arm up overhead, immediately causing a nasty back spasm, accompanied by repeated, involuntary yelps of "Owee, owee, owee!" Okay, then. Apparently we need less enthusiasm, more technique.

2. The Basic Climb. This is the stripper version of rope climbing in 8th-grade P.E. class, but in less clothes. Since I was unsure whether the thin wooden pillar would withstand my 120-pound attempt to mount it, I decided to improvise and try a door casing.

Blithely ignoring the tremor in my left arm and the chronic, medication-induced foot spasms, I grabbed hold of the bathroom door jamb and began my ascent. Note to self: When you need two arms and two legs to do something, and only one of each works with any consistency, consider skipping that exercise. Thirty seconds later, I was a tangled heap on the floor, mortified as I realized that all the blinds were open and the delighted neighbors were gathering in the driveway to watch the show.

3. The Fireman Spin. Ha. I've got this one down. Small leap, grab the pole, bend the knees, and let centrifugal force spin you repeatedly around the pole until you stick the landing with small back arch and a flourish of the arm. Piece of cake. Until I flourished before I stopped spinning. I spun off the pole and into the front door, cracking my head on the door knob. Yeah, that'll leave a mark.

4. The Body Wave. Basically a full-body undulation, while hanging onto the pole with one arm and leaning out. Like most Parkinson's patients, I struggle a little with coordination activities, specifically like my body waving in one direction and my arm going in another. It looked less like an erotic pole dance and more like I was frantically flagging down an ambulance on a deserted street. Moving on.

5. The Backwards Wiggle. Stand up with your back to the pole, grab said pole with hands up behind your head, then gyrate your hips as you slide down. Seriously??

First of all, I'm not built for gyrating. I couldn't gyrate in college, when I was considerably younger, 15 pounds thinner, and my appendages only shook when I told them to. All attempts at gyrating simply looked like I'd just been tasered. But I did discover that when I put my hands up behind my head, it inexplicably increased the tremors, resulting in a fairly impressive shimmy. This one could work. It's all about making lemonade, people.

So that evening when Hubs came home, I proudly announced my new secret skill. Not surprisingly, he was thrilled and immediately settled in, happily anticipating my Big Move. I decided on the Fireman Spin, letting my body weight do most of the work. I grabbed the pole, swung out my leg to get a good spin going, tucked the other heel up under my butt, and flashed my brightest "Come Get Me, Sailor" smile as I twirled past him.

On the second twirl, my foot cramped up and my arm had a seismic tremor that caused me to let go of the pole and sail across the room, landing on top of an unexpecting Hubs with a thud, sending him into unrestrained laughter, while he choked out, "That was awesome. Do it again!"

He still thinks it was supposed to be like that. I'm not telling him otherwise. But I'm thinking of teaching a pole dancing class at the next Parkinson's convention. We've still got the moves.

- Vikki Claflin

Oregon writer Vikki Claflin, author of the popular humor blog, Laugh Lines, has published her first book, Shake, Rattle & Roll With It: Living and Laughing with Parkinson's. Two of her pieces have been published in Life Well Blogged: Parenting Gag Reels - Hilarious Writes and Wrongs: Take 26. In 2014, she received a BlogHer Voice of the Year award for humor.