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My daughter and son-in-law were in the hospital nuzzling their newborn daughter. I was at their home entertaining my two-year-old grandaughter, Kaylee. I was in heaven! They'd left at five a.m. for the hospital. Contractions were coming fast. I seem to remember some directions about the alarm as I pushed them out the door. "Don't worry," I told them. "Go have that baby." I went back to bed.

When Kaylee awoke around eight, I explained that mommy and daddy went to the hospital. Her new baby sister, Riley Mae, had arrived. We were going to see her, too. Their Labrador, Tahoe, was prancing to go outside. I picked Kaylee up and carried her to the door to let him out. Wait, wait…what about that alarm? Do I turn it off? Or is it already off? I couldn't remember. Tahoe needed out so I hit the passcode and opened the door. "Intruder! Intruder! Intruder!" the alarm screamed. I hit cancel. Nothing! More intruder warnings ensued. My meltdown was brewing.

I hit reset. I hit every button on the panel, smacking at it like a wild beast. It got louder and louder! Kaylee started wailing, the dog was barking, and I was cursing. By the grace of God, I hit a button, and it stopped.

"Shut the DUCK up!" Kaylee mimicked me loudly. I looked at her in horror, thankful that she misunderstood me.

A UPS delivery arrived just as the alarm quieted down. I put Tahoe back in the house and stepped outside to sign the receipt. I was holding Kaylee in my arms. We were both in pajamas. My hair was matted from the sweat of the alarm snafu. Kaylee's looked like she'd been electrocuted. I apologized for our appearance. I got the paperwork all squared away and went to go back in the house. UH-OH, the door was locked! My cell phone was inside. I had no way to contact my daughter. We were in a jam, big time. Did I mention no diapers? Meltdown was increasing to a Defcon level.

God was watching over me because the neighbor, Jay, was working from home that day. They actually call him Neighbor Jay. Kaylee refers to him as Uncle Neighbor Jay. I padded across the lawn in the swampy grass. Then it started to rain really hard. "Oh, Neighbor Jay," I called sweetly dripping all over his porch. Fortunately he had a spare key, and he knew the pass code for the alarm. He let us in and headed back across the lawn. "Let's keep this a secret between us, okay?" I asked. "Oh sure, Gigi, no problem." I loved Neighbor Jay at that moment.

I put a load of clothes in the washer and proceed to make us breakfast. Kaylee sat on the counter watching me get her bagel ready. Suddenly Tahoe was at my feet nuzzling me. He kept jumping at my wet socks. I looked down to see something moving. I thought it was a hairband or a dust bunny. Tahoe began to bark incessantly.

I looked at my feet and sitting right on my toes was a huge, brown spotted toad. I'm not afraid of frogs, but I screeched, grabbed Kaylee, shoved Tahoe in the garage and tore ass back to neighbor Jay's.

By now it was pouring sheets of rain. My hair was soaked, Kaylee was hanging on for her life…sagging on my hip. I was puffing from all this excitement. "Oh, Jay," I bellowed again. Poor Neighbor Jay. All he wanted was a peaceful day to work from home, and here I come in meltdown mode, like a raging wild maniac.

"Neighbor Jay," I pleaded, "I need you to be my knight in shining armor…. again." This can be a secret, too, right?" He nodded. "Sure Gigi. Do you want to come in and dry off?" He got us each a towel.

I explained that I'd just done some laundry and out of nowhere this toad arrived. He was somewhere in the kitchen; at least I hope he's still in the kitchen. I didn't know what to do. He grabbed his hat, an umbrella for me and his rain jacket. We trudged back through the soaked grass. We gingerly got to the kitchen and, sure enough, he was waiting for my wet feet to come back so he could perch longer. He was probably recovering from the boot I gave him when I realized he was a toad!

Jay scooped the frog up in his hand. "Do you want to pet him?" he asked. Mr. Toad looked at me, and I felt bad. All he wanted to do was sit on my wet socks. He was content there. Now we had all this excitement. I declined the touching experience as he took him to the garden. Kaylee started crying because she didn't get to pet the frog.

I hadn't even take a sip of coffee yet when my daughter called to brag about the baby's cuteness. "How things are going there?" she asked.

"Oh, things are good here. We're having breakfast. It's all good. Kaylee woke up at eight, had her breakfast, and we're watching Mickey Mouse. I did a load of laundry. It's in the dryer now. I'm having my second cup of coffee. Everything is calm as can be here. I let Tahoe out, and I signed for your delivery. All is good." I breathed deeply.

I didn't mention the screaming alarm, getting locked out, bothering Neighbor Jay or the toad. Basically, I lied.

"Oh, Brett just talked to Neighbor Jay, and he said he saw you this morning. Twice!"

What kind of knight in shining armor can't keep a secret?!?!? Seriously! If it wasn't raining so hard, I'd trudge back to his house and give him hell. A calmer mind prevailed as I remembered that he really was my knight in a raincoat that morning. It wouldn't be fair to yell at him after all he'd done for me that morning.

And who knows? I might get fired and have to stay at his house next trip. I baked him cookies instead.

- Anne Bardsley

Anne Bardsley, of St. Petersburg, Fla., is the author of How I Earned My Wrinkles, a collection of humorous and sentimental stories about marriage, motherhood and menopause. She lives in a menopausal world with a husband who gives her wrinkles. When people ask her age, she sometimes tells them her bra size. "36-C," she says, "was a wonderful age."