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When chaperoning a school field trip, you need to be prepared, and that's especially true when dealing with middle schoolers. This info to keep in mind when called upon to do your time herding the cats help shape the minds of our youth as they go out into the world to learn what they cannot in the classroom. Well maybe not, but you'll at least be more prepared than I and some of my fellow chaperones were when exploring the local arboretum recently.

Don't talk to or make eye contact with your child.

I don't mean this, but your kid would want me to tell you this.

When students, teachers and chaperones gathered in the cafeteria prior to departing on our adventure, I waved to my child. It was subtle, no more than the mere wiggling of a few fingers. She turned beet red, buried her face in her hands and was consoled by friends.

Mission accomplished.

Do wear a turtleneck if at all possible.

Despite the admonition to not pick anything at the arboretum, a boy in my group ripped off a ton of seeds from the tall grass in the prairie. (The fact that his mother was also chaperoning did not deter him, as she did not put down her camera for the entire five hours and followed the rule above.)

The boy launched the handful of grass seed into the air and a strong wind gust blew all the seeds directly into my face.

I stared him down. He seemed baffled by getting "the look." Guess it's hard to do that through a camera lens.

Fast-forward several hours after the field trip. I was running errands and felt a stabbing pain in my breast. I tried to subtly adjust the girls while pumping gas and moved along. In the grocery store, sharp pain in a different part of the same boob, then a third one when I returned home.

I know breast cancer is not typically painful so I instead started wondering what awful, obscure medical condition I was facing. (This happening in October is probably somewhat related to that thought.)

I reached into my bra and discovered grass seeds.

Those little f-ers hurt.

When I was bombarded in the face, and apparently chest, with the grass seeds, I was wearing a raincoat over a fleece over a sweater over a t-shirt. What? I believe in layering. I had, however, failed to think about my neck. Had I been wearing a turtleneck, I would have been spared the pain. Please, learn from me.

Do change immediately after returning home if you don't like turtlenecks or live somewhere warm. Also, take a long, hot shower.

Those would have meant a significantly more comfortable afternoon.

Don't agree to chaperone outdoor field trips.

Such a policy will greatly lessen the risk of sharp, pointy seeds down your shirt. Indoor-only field trips will not completely eliminate the risk. We're talking about tweens, though; they can be squirrely.

Don't forget to notice that your kid and his/her friends are pretty snazzy.

On the bus back to the school, a fellow chaperone said she had enjoyed observing her son and was reminded that he is good egg. Tweens and teens may drive us crazy at home, but part of the fun of this age group is getting to see the fruits of those dozen or so years of hard work when they are in public.

Apparently, that's something I'm willing to spend five hours walking through the woods and shooting pain to witness.

- Shannan Ball Younger

Shannan Ball Younger is a writer living in the suburbs of Chicago with her husband and tween daughter. She blogs about parenting at Mom Factually and weathering the hormone hurricane at Tween Us on ChicagoNow. She grew up in Erma's home state of Ohio and was thrilled to attend the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop in 2014. Her essays can be found in the anthologies My Other Ex and The HerStories Project. She was part of the Listen to Your Mother Chicago 2013 cast. You can also find Shannan on Facebook and Twitter.