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Why is it that people standing in line for groceries, airplane bathrooms or every other place on earth want to start a conversation with a total stranger?

And how do they begin a conversation? They ask really stupid questions.

"So, do you have a cat?" she asks as we happen to make eye contact in the grocery line.

What would make her think I have a cat? Is it because my black jacket is covered in Tinkers' white hair? Or is it because my T-shirt has a huge graphic of a house cat? All subtle clues.

Or could it be the 25-pound sack of Meow Mix with an equally weighted box of stinky pee-absorbing cat litter?

Hard to say how Einstein came up with the hypothesis of me owning a cat.

And because I hate people being presumptuous about my private business, I respond by saying, "No! I'm on a new Hollywood diet of high-energy cat food. It's called the 'Minimizing my Mass Mith Meow Mix.' Sorry, 'With Meow Mix,'" I correct myself. "Its meaty center is surrounded by a crunchy outside that supplies antioxidants, vitamins and minerals.

Which," I raise my finger in authority and smile, "supplies me with healthy teeth, bones and a strong immune system. Just look how sleek my hair looks. (I read that on the bag before I bought it). And you'll notice that I get the Indoor Formula for the less active, to keep me slim and healthy," I informed her as I suck in the graphic of my cat.

"Oh," she responds as she looks for the nearest exit.

"Yes," I say, "just a bowl in the morning and one at night with a saucer of milk." Then, I try to think what to say next, adding, "I never wanted to go out after dinner before I was on this diet, but not now. I'm always ready for a late night prowl."

"Fascinating," she mumbled.

"And the kitty litter?" I continue. "Well, let's just say I'm suppose to keep track of, well, you know. It's all scientific and has to do with what's being absorbed and what's being digested and what's left behind."

I continue on as the line inches ahead. It's certainly not fast enough for some, but I'm starting to enjoy it. I go on about what I've lost and how much better I feel. Blah, blah, blah. As my mouth goes on, my mind goes off and I am reminded of a similar instance from a TV talk show personality who was breastfeeding a child on an airplane. All subdued, of course. A guy waiting in line for the mile-high outhouse looks down at her and asks, "Is that yer kid?"

"No! I'm breastfeeding all the kids on the airplane. Ya got one that needs some suckling?" she responded.

That hit me as being funny, and I never forgot it. Which brings me back to my tall tale. "And I've never been so happy and healthy!" I end my (all but for the exception of her two words) soliloquy.

"Fascinating." she again replies." Oh, look! It looks like it's your turn at the check out!" she excitedly points out, hoping to move me along quicker.

I bag up all my tales of my unorthodox Hollywood diet as she starts to unload her buggy of its contents. At which the guy behind her (who was drunk) tapped her on the elbow and slurred an assumption, "I...I..BET yer single! Are you shingle?"

Oh no, this can't be good. I'm starting to move a little faster with my bags now.

"You think I'm single?"

"That's what she shed," he slurred.

"Why do you think that? Is it my one stick of butter? Half a dozen eggs? Half pound of bacon? Is it my four bags of..."

"Naw it's cuse you ugly!" he interrupted.

Now I'm running out the door as it starts to get loud and the manager is called to the check out. That was my fun for the day.

I never use to be this way, but now I'm more of an "ask a stupid question get a stupid answer" kind of guy. People just say stuff to fill silence. Silence which I love! Silence is golden! But so many of us need to talk, asking silly questions to start a conversation. People make an assumption from what they see or hear about you in public and start up a conversation thinking they know you.

Maybe all the cat stuff was for my dear deceased aunt's cat that I had to take in during this very troubled time. Nobody looks down in a cart filled with Meow Mix and kitty litter and asks if your dear aunt died. Why don't they assume that?

The late actor Jimmy Stewart once told a story about the time he asked a man out walking a dog if his dog bites. "Oh, no," said the man, "Gentle as a lamb."

When Jimmy reached down to pet the dog, it nearly took his arm off. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" he hollered. "I did," he answered. "That's not my dog."

He should have kept quiet rather than assume the man owned the dog.

If you're going to ask a question of someone you don't know, make sure you know the answer. Just like that drunk who was two shoppers behind me.

Oh, and be prepared. You might be surprised at the answer. With the help of a Coach purse, the truth can hurt.

- Bob Niles

Bob Niles, who answers to Robert, Bobby, Dad, Grandpa, Unit No.2 (his Dad could never remember all the children's names), honey and super hero, is new to writing but not to storytelling. "I like to make people laugh and to think, with a secret desire make them dance and send me untraceable $100 bills in the mail," says the happily married, retired father and grandpa from Richmond in British Columbia, Canada. He blogs here.