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I like my dentist and her staff, and if they sent a friendly reminder that we were all going out for lunch, I would love this thoughtful gesture. To be reminded, though, that I will be poked, jabbed, and scaled - no doubt because I'm lousy at flossing - doesn't seem friendly at all.

It's not that I don't appreciate mail other than bills, pleas for money from politicians, and half-off coupons for mobility scooters. It's just that a note from the dentist need not be so chummy.

On the other hand, I don't want the reminder to be a surly, "Judi, if you don't show up on this date, you will be in danger of needing an endodontic root canal treatment sooner than later." Nor do I want it to be buddy-buddy as in, "We've missed you so much, and we are all looking so forward to your teeth."

Something in the middle would be fine. Perhaps, "Don't forget to come on September 28th." Even if it continued with, "Also, remember that if you have to cancel, even if you are on your deathbed, please do so 24 hours in advance. Failure to comply will force us to charge you (or your estate) $50 for your missed appointment." They can draw a smiley face with a tooth missing along with their message if they still feel the need to be cordial.

Our veterinarian used to send postcard reminders addressed to our dog, Waffles. There would be a picture of a teary-eyed animal doctor accompanied by the text, "Dear Waffles Veoukas: We haven't seen you for so long." Because the card was meant for the dog, I'd toss it to him and he'd promptly tear it to shreds. That probably saved us a heck of a lot in vet bills. On the other hand, the dog did die early on, perhaps of paper ingestion.

Still, I suppose mail reminders are better than the "friendly" robotic phone call, the ones that go like this:

Robot Voice: "Hell-o, this is Merry Meadows Medical Center reminding Julie Venitianoukas that she has an appointment for a prostate exam tomorrow at 1 p.m. Press 1 if you paid attention to this message."

What the heck do I press to tell them I don't have a prostate?

I suppose soon there will be email appointment reminder messages too, allowing the sender, if he or she desires, to wax poetically at a select audience without the scrutinizing eyes of the mail carrier. I envision receiving something along the lines of:

"Just a friendly reminder for your 4 p.m. appointment next Tuesday!

Hi, it's me, your gynecologist!

I've teamed with a fine psychologist!

So if you come in early, say about 3

You'll get two for one - Dr. Angst AND me!"

And now we get these darn reminders via Facebook. All the medical professionals need do is "friend" me and then most of my contacts can also read, "Judi, This is a friendly reminder. Do not forget you have a toenail fungal infection which will be scraped out next week on Thursday at 9 a.m. at the Chicago office. Please bring your insurance and a picture I.D."

I don't think I can stand any more friendliness.

- Judi Veoukas

Judi Veoukas started writing at age nine, when she penned greeting cards and sold a few for a nickel at her maternal grandmother's funeral, much to the consternation of her mother. Sadly, counting inflation, she is not earning much more as a writer now. Still her love of writing is equaled only by her love of chocolate. When she isn't downing chocolate, she writes a humor column for two Chicago suburban newspapers, Lake County Suburban Life and Barrington Life, and submits to Funny Times (and has actually appeared in it twice). Much to her delight, she won an Illinois Press Association prize three times. She was also a writing tutor for seven years at a community college with a varied curriculum. However, she couldn't resist the desire to have students add humor to their papers. Assuring a student in "Intro to Surgical Technology" that humor would spice up his paper proved to be her undoing. Now she mostly hides in her office at home.