Blogs
#funnytweets #humor
Some people make their friends and family laugh so hard tears run down their legs while others can claim success at causing laugh cramps and milk shots out of noses…
Me? My friend tells me she almost broke her leg on the treadmill and killed herself when she decided reading my status updates while doing her cardio work-out was as good a way as any to pass the time.
This coming at me three weeks after another friend told me he got caught laughing in the bathroom stall by his boss while reading some of my tweets.
And, come to think of it, I'm sort of proud of that.
What did I say to cause these mishaps? Well, let me just share some of my previous updates and you keep an eye out for something about lotioning my cat and sharing an anniversary with Atkins.
Son #3: Look mom…I have cheese nips.
Me: Well, gimme some…
Son #3: Mom, I said look…I have cheese NIPS! <Insert image of son rubbing little pieces of cheese on his nipples>
My kids just asked me what I was giving up for Lent…I said motherhood…
I just said "No and you can't make me" to the 6-year-old, proving to her five older brothers that I also have a 3-year-old's mentality.
How can anyone expect me go to sleep when this movie I've seen 30 times is finally on again?
Two things I'm thankful for: 1. My family and friends. 2. The "send to voicemail" button when they call.
Made pasta tonight…finally figured out how to measure the correct amount in two steps: Step one: Guess-timate based on years of experience. Step two: Wrong again…
Finally figured out Jesus's middle and last name after I dropped a gallon of milk on my foot.
How one of my sons just described my best parenting style…"I'm trying to blog over here! Go help your sister!"
Now that I think about it… Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
If hiding in my closet, eating a big Papa dill pickle and listening to my kids fight over where the last dill pickle went is wrong, then I don't ever want to be right…
Everything I need to know about parenting I keep learning from my know-it-all teenagers…even now they're correcting me on the number of raw hot dogs I should let my daughter eat before bed.
Things that don't kill scorpions
1. Windex
2. WD40
3. Globs of Vix vapor rub
4. Screaming
I'd like to take a moment to say Happy Anniversary to the Atkins bar in my pantry…
Either I took waaaay too many benadryl or my goldfish is now capable of speech…
I hate it when my cat comes running into the room, hisses at me, tears out of the room and I end up in the closet with my Rosary.
- Sharon Ruggieri
Sharon Ruggieri is the author of Sharing Mom's Madhouse - A Book With Sprinkles of Truth and has been blogging at Mom's Madhouse since March 2011. She's a SAHM with five boys, one girl and lives in Phoenix with her husband and children. Her blog was recognized as the Most Comical Blog of 2011, #2 Top Blog of 2013 and #3 Most Hilariously Funny Blog of 2014 at Voiceboks.com.