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12 steps, the new guide to parenting

Sarah HeadshotLike in any 12-step program there is a key to success. Each step builds on the one before and you have to master them all in order for them to be successful. You have to spend time patiently working each step and stage. Reflect on what you have learned, share your story and what you have learned and if you are really commit to the program. Only after completing it you will find success.

There is no difference in the 12-step parenting. However, I'm not sure if you ever graduate or enter "recovery." Even when your kiddos grow up and leave the nest, you still worry about them and their lives. It is just part of the program

This program works best prior to conception. However, it can be started at anytime. Follow the 12-step guide to parenting! Now, work it, commit to it and enjoy every minute of it!

Step 1:

Learn how to live off of as little amount of sleep as possible. And no, just for the record you will not sleep again after the first three months. That is false, people. The fears, worries and sleepless night do not end ever!

Step 2:

Learn how to toilet quick! You will never toilet in peace. Forget about reading the paper. Your child will be walking in on you, talking through the door and yelling "hurry up, mommy"! Farewell privacy. Bye bye!

Step 3:

Master the art of making "things" disappear! Like Houdini.

Step 4:

Forget how to change the batteries! Especially in those loud obnoxious toys that Grammy likes to give! Or throw out all the screwdrivers.

Step 5:

Learn how to make peanut butter & jelly, grilled cheese, hot dogs, scrambled eggs and Mac & Cheese! Forget about your gourmet meals.

Step 6:

Master the art of ignoring. It can come in handy with spouses, too!

Step 7:

Be prepared to accept any bodily fluid or solid in you hand! Don't be shocked to be handed a piece of poop or to catch puke in you hand!

Step 8:

Master the art of seeing out of the eyes in the back of your head. They grew when I became a parent! And do not be shocked if child tries to glue some on the back of his head and on his ears!

Step 9:

Learn children's songs and shows. And do not be shocked if you are watching them 30 minutes after your child has gone to bed.

Step 10:

Be prepared for public announcements. Usually at the most inappropriate times! Like, random public check ins. "Mommy and Daddy do you have to go pee or poop?" or "Mommy doesn't like that," when being served something at your in-laws.

Step 11:

Always, I mean always, keep a bottle of wine or some kind of alcohol in the house.

Step 12:

Work hard and master each of these steps and you will be the best 12-stepper ever!

Parenting is no different than working the 12 steps in any other program. Recovery is possible. However, unfortunately it is only after your children have their own family and, let's face it, recovery just does not really happen. As much as you work the steps and commit to the program, you can never become a parent in recovery!

- Sarah Honey

Sarah Honey is the author of a lifestyle blog, "Thank You Honey," where she writes about her adventures in mommyhood and everything in-between. You can also find her on Twitter, Facebook or wrangling her toddler.

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