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Name tags are corporate corsages. This is my big idea. Don't steal it.

Think about it. You've chosen your outfit. You're ready to go. Then someone slaps a big object on your shoulder that essentially brands you.

Just like a corsage back in prom days.

"Gee thanks, Billy. This large orange orchid strangled with baby's breath does wonders for my lime green chiffon halter."

During my time in corporate America, I attended a lot of business functions. I was a "creative" in advertising and counted among my clients some financial services giants.

I was split between the casual nature of advertising and the buttoned-down world of investment banking.

I was a copywriter, so I didn't come from an investment background, and didn't have an MBA. In the early days, I used to simply carry on conversations at business functions complete with my own opinions. Silly me.

"Isn't the stock market sort of like legalized gambling?" I asked once at a cocktail event.

The sawing motions being violently made by a sympathetic creative cohort weren't lost on me, and I could see the collective eyes of everyone in pinstripes looking at my right shoulder.

The ivory name tag that was pinned to my jacket was ready to tattle on me.

"Remember this name," it said quietly but firmly.

I'd like to briefly congratulate myself on some of my insights. This was pre-market meltdown. So maybe I was the brightest mind in the room.

I understand why we have name tags in business settings. Typically, one will include name and title, and possibly city or region, if it's a company with multiple locations.

Who hasn't been saved by quickly noting, "Carol Johnson. Human Resources. Chicago," before saying, "Well, we have those dolts in Chicago to thank for that rotten quarter."

Maybe an excavation will reveal they were part of the ancient world, too: A large collection of small chiseled tablets inscribed "Tut. Pharaoh. Thebes."

No decent corporate corsage is complete without the current tagline of the company's advertising campaign. If it is for an award trip, there might be a theme included.

"Fred Jones. Compliance. Quad Cities. Wishing On a Star in San Diego."

Fred was probably wishing he could knock off the small talk and head back to the room for some SportsCenter and a beer.

After years on the periphery of financial services, I was in possession of a pretty impressive collection of name tags.

I had turned into someone who didn't go to most dinners, cocktail parties, business trips or outings without a name tag. Their shapes were as varied as the events I had attended (ships, whistles, trees, chalkboards), I started bringing them home and putting them in a drawer.

One day I laid them out: dozens of breakfasts, lunches, dinners, cocktail parties and dinners, memorialized in label form.

You know the ending of the story. The market bubble burst, and along with those soapy remains, went the lion share of corporate entertaining and travel.

My new business life is a lot more relaxed.

As often happens in life, I recently had to reverse my attitude about corporate corsages. I attended a writers' conference where there were many attendees I already admired, and even more who, as I spoke with them, wanted to commit their names to memory. I was grateful for the lanyards with name tag attached we had all been issued at the start of the event.

I guess it goes to show; sometimes a gal really does need a corsage.

- Lucia Paul

Lucia Paul's humor writing includes an award-winning sitcom script and essays that have appeared in numerous publications. She is a regular humor contributor to numerous online publications on topics ranging from the financial crisis to parenting teens. She has stories and essays in multiple anthologies including two Not Your Mother's Book titles: NYMB…on Home Improvement (2013) and NYMB…on Being a Mom (June 2014). She is also the creative mind behind names for some of America's best loved consumer products. Find her at dysfunctionalscrapbooking.blogspot.com and Twitter @DFscrapbook.