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I am not an accomplished writer. Far from it. In fact, I always wish I could have written this or that piece better; or that I could have found better words to describe what I feel, my joy, my rage, my delight, my anxiety; or that my words would obey me instead of me having to bow to them.

I am, however, working hard and learning to write better, to be more creative with my words. I still don't know how I want to write, or how I can write.

Therefore, I wouldn't give advice on that because I am just not there yet. But I think I am learning something and that is how not to write.

I have made mistakes and my writing has suffered greatly. I compiled this little list of all the things you shouldn't do if you want to be a better writer, and all the things that you can do to ensure your writing sucks ALL THE TIME.

1) By all means, over-schedule yourself. Write several articles all at once, mostly under tight - but self-imposed deadlines. In addition, try to take care of children and a household and go to work - preferably full time. Multi-task. Your writing will suffer and so will you. Of course some busyness is good, but go above and beyond busyness into exhaustion and resentment. You will never write again. Or your writing will become so bad that you will just stand and stare, and consider awarding yourself a medal for the world's worst article.

2) Undersell yourself, and do so strongly and convincingly. Write for anyone who wants you, and also if they don't want you. Write for pages that are not worthy of you. Obviously, write for free, or the promise of "exposure." Believe in the simple fact that you're worth less than you are really worth and make this clear when talking to possible sponsors, advertisers, or anyone who could influence your writing career in any way.

3) Stay warm and cosy right there in your comfort zone. Stick to what you know. If you have a formula for writing, follow it. For example, my writings are usually very correct and show all perspectives and points of view on an issue. It is fine with me; after all I do not want to enrage my readers. Correct is warm and nice and safe, but it is also boring sometimes. And I find that when I stick to being correct, my articles lose that sparkle that keeps readers interested and engaged. So please, by all means, take my example and write dull, boring, utterly forgettable blog posts. And remember: just don't work too hard!

4) Show no interest in what others have to say. Don't read blogs or articles, and especially don't read books! Ignore anyone who doesn't worship you. I mean, that could lead to bad things: your belief in something will be corrected and sometimes you will find out something new. Yet worst of all, some learning could happen and you don't want that. Just smile, and ignore. Or sit in the corner, cover your ears and sing: "lalala" so you wouldn't hear any useful advice. If you have an editor, don't listen to her either. Especially, don't listen to her.

5) Write when you're exhausted. I don't know how many hours I spend late at night, sitting in front of my computer thinking that I need to write something, right now. This usually has two possible endings: one where I give up after a few minutes and go to bed and another one where I torture myself until I write something. The first option is usually the better one. If I choose the second option, I often need to rewrite the whole piece anyway.

6) Pretend to be someone you're not. This is actually quite simple. You just need to persuade yourself that you need to fit in with your audience! Instead of creating good writing, write with advertisers and sponsors in mind! And always ask yourself this one, very important question: "Will my readers like this?" Sit back and watch your creativity die a long, painful death.

7) Stop thinking. Of course, there is a lot to say about writing spontaneously, but I find that when I write my ideas down like that, the article lacks any depth and is extremely one-dimensional. My choice of words is poor and the whole thing requires heavy editing work. However, when I wait till the whole thing is fully formed in my head, it is almost good to go after it is done, and it takes less time. So - you have an idea for a topic - write it down, and make sure you don't edit anything. And please, please, please, just don't think. At all. The added benefit of not thinking is that your writing will be stupid. So that's a win-win situation!

8) Spend all your time in front of the computer. Forget about having a life, a family or friends. Forget about food. Forget about the whole world outside of your window and write, write, write. Soon, one of two things will happen. Either, you will run out of ideas for articles, or you will starve to death, get buried under a pile of laundry and dirty dishes, and your husband and children will forget that you exist. I am not sure which one is worse.

9) Compare yourself to others. I tend to do this a lot. There are several writers who I admire and I find myself thinking: they are more successful than me. They are better than I am. They can write about things that are off-limits to me. They have more followers. This list could go on forever. Not only does it make me miserable, but my writing suffers as a result, because it takes my mind off what truly matters. It is just amazing how sometimes one simple thought can pretty much ruin your writing.

Follow these simple steps and I am sure they won't only turn you into a horrible writer, but make a miserable, sad little person out of you. Hurray, it's all you've always wanted!

If you liked this post, you can tell me. However, if you don't like it, I will just say that I like to lead by example.

- Olga Mecking

Olga Mecking is the author of the award-winning expat blog The European Mama. A Polish mom, she is raising her three trilingual children in the Netherlands along with her German husband. She is a regular contributor to BLUNTmoms and World Moms Blog.