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Madam never claimed to be a technology whiz. Frankly, I too face techno challenges just trying to organize my hooves on a keyboard without triggering an Internet explosion. So, you can imagine my surprise when she texted me for advice on her new printer.

It's worth noting that her former printer, a self-proclaimed, digital athlete theoretically claimed to do everything from FAX and scan, to print, dust, vacuum and clean the air ducts. Yet, It rarely even printed for more than 24 hours at a time. This launched a busy moonlighting career for Madam's IT guy Matt. The printer held a permanent position on Matt's to-do list.

So, about a month ago, Madam decided it was time for a technology updo. This involved new memory for her iMac; a reconditioned MacBook; and another printer tune-up. All three items had to be returned to Al's Ace Tech Outlet within a week. The new shot of memory caused the iMac to contract a form of attention deficit disorder. It shut down and started up spontaneously in the middle of the night or the middle of a chapter, whichever one came first. The MacBook ignored all passwords and WiFi signals, and rarely recognized its own mouse. Of course, it also refused to speak to the printer, or visa versa.

That's when Madam decided to replace the tuned-up printer with an industrial workhorse (her words, not mine!). The best thing about this fail-safe plan was the fact that the fail-safe workhorse failed within three weeks. Thus, it died before the warantee ran out. The next step involved making the exchange for another new printer.

Phone call number one to the manufacturer: This required another appointment with IT Matt to properly discuss the problem.

Call number two: Another consultation with IT Matt to discern the manufacturer's return policy. Actually, this took two calls, and neither IT Matt nor Madam fully grasped the plan. A VP of Customer Service offered vague guidance and asked if they would like to take a quality survey.

Call number three: Madam turned to Al's Ace Tech Outlet for help obtaining the correct mailing label to return the printer. Because Madam's printer had expired, she could not print the label. So, the VP of Customer Service emailed the label to three different addresses without success. He also reminded Madam that time was running short before she would receive a $551 bill for the second computer.

Eventually, the courier missed the appointed pick-up date and then showed up the next day while Madam was out of the office. Then two couriers appeared within an hour of one another, annoyed about the double booking snafu. After that, the tracking code disappeared into cyberspace. That's when Madam texted me for my opinion on the matter.

All I could say was, where would we be without technology-enhanced time savers such as these at our fingertips? I'll tell you where - we would be making Saint Paddy's Day plans with our pals!

- Noah Vail

Noah Vail and Mary Farr have collaborated on a book, Never Say Neigh: An Adventure in Fun, Funny and the Power of You. Noah, author, philosopher, humorist, gin rummy ace and all-around "good news sort of guy" blogs here. Never Say Neigh won an honorable mention in the 2013 Paris Book Festival.