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Greetings, ebullient EBWW attendees! Allow me to be the first to welcome you to this year's event, which promises to be the most spectacular to date now that arrangements for the kick-off vegan barbeque have been finalized.

In anticipation of the workshop, you are no doubt hanging ten on an emotional tsunami of excitement, suspense, and - let's face it - steel-cold fear. Well, fear not! I am here to help you tame your anxiety and maximize the benefit to you of this extraordinary weekend.

The key to being a suave, successful attendee is, of course, preparation. (Or, to use the professional conference-organizer term of art, "Having one's shizzle in a sack.") Sure, you've got your neighbor lined up to collect your incoming copies of Yacht Management Magazine and moisturize your Gila Monster in your absence, but here are a few more things you can do to ensure that your EBWW experience is as smooth and satisfying as the rich, dark Daytonian coffee grown on the verdant hillsides of the local Marriott.

Tips for Your Trip to the Dayton Riviera

Start Networking Now

For many of you, the EBWW is the first foray into putting yourselves and your work "out there," - and that's great! But why wait 'till the workshop to begin building your fan base? Limber up in advance by whipping out your conference ice-breakers on hometown baristas, appliance repairmen, and EMTs - not to mention your boss. Here are some tried-and-true faves:

"Hey, losers, I'm getting a book deal next week."

"You can't tell by looking, but I'm hilarious."

"Um, hello?!? It's called branding."

Schedule a Physical

I can't tell you how many people I saw back in 2012 who clearly had not prepared for the rigors of workshop life. There they were, splayed on the Marriott lobby sofas, listlessly twirling their badge lanyards and repeating the phrase, "potato croquette." Or tipped semi-conscious in the back of the campus bus, hiccuping their elevator pitch while still wearing complimentary hotel slippers. Consult your physician before departure about your particular health risks as well as the necessary vaccinations required for entry to Ohio. And start eating a daily continental breakfast now, for God's sakes. At least give your body a fighting chance.

Secure Your Club-Level Keycard Upon Check-In

The moment you receive your official workshop name badge, lean in and say with quiet confidence, "I'd also like my Club Level keycard, please." This will initiate a lively exchange during which the workshop representative will give an Oscar-worthy performance as a hard-working volunteer who has no idea what you're talking about. Co-workers will be consulted, supervisors will be called, and hotel management will be brought in under duress. Pay no mind to this hubbub, however: it's all part of the good-natured "game" played by conference cognoscenti. Show everyone within earshot that you are a Person In The Know by refusing to back down until you have achieved secret Club Level access. In the end, well…I can't go into detail here, but trust me: it will be worth it.

Take Your Passport

Why? Because a trip that involves a passport is much more important and generates loads more envy than a trip that does not involve one. Everyone knows this.

Pack Plenty of Five-Dollar Bills

Like a secret handshake, there are some strategies for opening professional doors that only true insiders know. At the EBWW, yours pivots on the effective use of $5 bills. Yes, that's the key to a successful workshop experience: lots and lots of Lincolns (humorist street-talk for five-dollar bills). Let me be clear: you can not overwork this tactic. In fact, the more $5 bills you hand out, the higher your fellow attendees - not to mention influential workshop presenters - will hold you in professional esteem. Like Phil Donahue's new haircut? Lay some green on him with your compliments! Enjoy the dinnertime banter at Table #27? Share the Lincoln love! Pumped up by Pitchapalooza? Say it with me: "Fiver!" Even if you have to dip into next month's rent to keep up with the others, you won't regret this priceless investment in your career.

I hope these tips and tricks have soothed your pre-workshop anxiety while whipping you into a pleasantly flocculent froth of excitement. In closing, have a safe journey to Dayton, don't forget your matador costume (did I not mention that?) and I'll see you on the Club Level!

- Anna Lefler

Anna Lefler, part of the faculty at the 2014 EBWW, is a writer, comedian and author of The Chicktionary: From A-Line to Z-Snap, The Words Every Woman Should Know. She is a staff comedy writer and performer on the Nickelodeon/NickMom TV show Parental Discretion with Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, where she also serves as a recurring on-camera guest. Her work has appeared on several sites including Salon, McSweeney's Internet Tendency and The Big Jewel, and she has been a guest on numerous television and radio talk shows across the country. Her standup comedy has been seen in Los Angeles clubs, including the Hollywood Improv and the Comedy Store.